Tickled Pink

Confusing and Annoying

You know, I'm sure my estranged husband, The Farmer, checks my blog to try to keep up with what's going on in my life. So, HI JEFF! How's it going? Unfortunately, I don't have wild stories to write here to make him even more curious. That would be fun, but my days consist of working, walking my dogs and listening to my mom talk loudly to my father.  Riveting huh?

Besides having a dull and rather sad life right now, there are a couple of things that need to be clarified. First of all, I'm still married and don't hold out any hope that he will miraculously return from where the aliens took him. As much as I hate to accept it, I think he's gone for good.  That makes me extremely sad because remember how we all used to say how "stinkin' cute" he was and we had lots of glowing compliments about how sweet he was. 

Second, I am breathing so of course I have my antennae on alert in case Mr. Right actually DOES come along! I have always wanted to be a married woman. There's nothing wrong with that. I like being married....obviously....I've tried it three times.  People say that I should relish being single, but I don't.  I've been single a lot.  I've lived a lot of years single.  It's nice.  You can do whatever you want, you aren't accountable to anyone but you also are alone.  I'm capable of being alone....I work from my home, alone, every single day.  I do a lot of things....alone.  Sometimes being alone gets lonely.  That's when it's nice to have a husband around.  Another unfortunate thing is that my husband WAS around...he was around the barn, he was around his buddies, he was around helping the neighbors, he was around talking to other people, standing around just letting other people talk, he was around just being, but it was always with other people.  He was even around to chat over the internet with his ex-wife. He was NOT around for me.  For some reason the things I wanted were the things he went out of his way to make sure he didn't do. It was like some type of competition and I guess he felt that if he granted one of MY wishes, that I somehow ended up a few points ahead.  Silly man.  If he only knew how much he would win by being a dedicated husband and telling his friends that it's time to go home.  It's time for The Farmer to be with his wife.  He didn't do that.  Ever.

I have had a couple men express an interest in me.  They seem to be very nice.  They are intelligent and able to express themselves. One of them, after seeing my photo albums on Facebook, told me that I had the face of an angel! Wasn't that nice?  What a nice thing to say.  I told him thank you and that I appreciated the compliment.  But, the idea of dating yet again and getting to know someone new makes me want to vomit. And the idea of being alone the rest of my life, well that makes me want to vomit, too!  I'm so mad at The Farmer that I could spit.  My geriatric parents are probably having sex and me, I sleep alone with my little dog Frances at the foot of my bed.  Something is wrong with this picture!

I told The Farmer that I feel like I've been "drafted".  Just as some hippy protester ended up in the jungles of Vietnam against his will, I have been drafted into this life that I didn't ever want. And here I am. I didn't make this choice. The Farmer made it for me.  More than one person has told me to cherish this time I'm spending with my parents.  Well, I'm glad I'm here for them, but if you've ever tried to live for five months out of cardboard boxes and work at a card table without all the tools you need to perform your job, well.....what can I say....I don't cherish that at all.

If you are one of my supportive friends reading this, thanks for enduring.  I promise I won't waste my blog on this again.  If you are The Farmer reading this....who knows.....I keep hoping I'll have something exciting to report! So far nothing.  Oh wait...rumor is that The Farmer is going to be a grandpa!!! Interesting considering he's having difficulty accepting the process of growing old. I hope he is the grandpa to a little girl and then he might realize, when a mean boy treats her badly, that he needs to take care of the girls who love him and he needs to treat them like gold.

SPRINKLES

My dear, sweet, thoughtful friend, Lisa (known in my comments as lisalisa), sent me a goodie box for my birthday.  A little of this and a little of that, and part of the  "that" was a kit to make lemon-flavored Sprinkles cupcakes. I haven't had a Sprinkles cupcake before and I haven't yet....I'm waiting for dessert after dinner.  I'll let you know!

I gave the kit to my mother and told her she had to make cupcakes for my birthday today.  Poor thing...she enjoys kitchen work less and less these days but she worked her little arthritic fingers off, following the directions.  The cupcakes smell wonderful. I tasted the frosting and it was yummy.  Now I can't wait to actually eat one.  Cupcakes are just plain fun.

Here they are just out of the oven.  We think we really needed to bake them a couple more minutes but they baked for the maximum time and were "resistant to touch" as it specified in the instructions.  I think they'll be fine but my mom is berating herself for not leaving them in the oven longer.  Mothers...so silly!

The kit even gave instructions on HOW to frost them to look like a genuine Sprinkles cupcake, but I wasn't very dedicated to that part of it.  AND included in the kit was a "modern dot" for each cupcake.  One of the dots was broken, but fortunately my dementia-inflicted father helped himself to a pre-frosted cupcake before my mother could catch him in the act, so it all worked out in the end.

Also yesterday, because Lisa was on turbo thoughtfulness, she sent me this beautiful bouquet of lilies. Awwwww! Aren't they nice?  Thank you Lisa for making my day so special.  You are a treasure to me.

I ATE

For those of you who might be worrying that I'm wasting away, let me tell you that tonight I had two helpings of brisket and hash brown casserole.  Some Oreos and some candy corn for dessert.  And my stomach is all pooched out now!

I would also like to say that I was about 12 pounds overweight (in my opinion) before The Farmer jumped off the deep end with both feet....or wait, did he do a double back, half twist pike, DIVE off the deep end? Anyway, I wanted to ease your minds that I have lost 25 pounds, but I really needed to lose 12 anyway so it's a perk, right?  And if I keep eating brisket and hash brown casserole, my jeans won't be falling off any longer.

I have nothing new and exciting to report other than that, so since I haven't posted a photo in a long while, here's a cute one from way back.

It's kind of amazing that I didn't grow up to be a chain smoker because I had that pacifier hanging out of my mouth for about four years straight.  My mom said I would sort of dangle it off my tongue and talk to her without dropping it.  Oral dexterity at it's finest.

And check out my sister, Barbie.  Her skills were sucking her thumb and twisting her hair at the SAME TIME.  Talk about coordination!  It's akin to rubbing your stomach and patting your head while standing on one foot.  Only the exceptionally coordinated can master that. She has since given up the thumb but the hair twisting is perpetual.

That's all I've got!  I keep hoping that something earth-shattering will happen and I'll be able to write a riveting post....fingers crossed that that happens in the near future.

My Arm Hurts and I Feel Like Rambling!

I have been working SO much that my right arm is killing me.  I need a massage.  I need a soak in a hot tub.  I need a vacation to some place sunny.  Just a little bit sunny.  I don't want to get a sunburn. I just want some sunshine.  It's been a bit dreary here. I guess that's typical of Fall in the Midwest.

My clients are gearing up for the Craft and Hobby Show which takes place early 2010. I'm not exactly sure what the dates are and I'm too lazy to go look it up. All I know is everyone, as happens every year, is scrambling to get their products ready.

On top of that I'm doing my Quirky Twerp thing over at The DigiChick so I'm trying to squeeze in my own creations.  That means lots of late nights sitting at my computer.

I had a court "thing" on Wednesday.  I was really hoping that meant a divorce and closing the book on this part of 2009.  But, alas, it meant that the judge wanted to drag this out just a bit more.  Everything will happen when it's supposed to, I suppose. Not much I can do about that but try to be patient....still.....I am not at all happy to be getting divorced yet again. It upsets me quite a lot.  It upsets me more than I want it to.  Well, I don't want it to upset me at all...but then again I do want it to upset me a bit because at least that means I actually have feelings, something I wonder about The Farmer.  I keep making excuses for him. He had a hard childhood. He lost his mother to breast cancer. He lost his father in a tractor accident.  He lost a best friend in a terrible murder. On and on and on.  And then I think, why am I making excuses for him!?  Other people have had horrible things happen to them and they don't choose to treat the people they love like dirt! So for now I am still married and just longing for freedom because I don't like this feeling of being in neutral.  It feels like wasted time.

I have been looking online every week for houses.  I have a realtor who is so cute.  He's just a good ol' boy.  Very kind and gentlemanly.  His name is Clyde.  He doesn't pressure me.  He's very patient.  I may have found a house that could be my home.  It's hard to know.  It, so far, has been the only one that made my eyebrows raise up a bit.  And I thought "Hmmmm...I could work with this and make it my own."  Of course, I can't just get any ol' house since The Farmer left me destitute.  BUT, that is a lesson that I have learned and I hope I can send a message to all the women who might stumble upon my blog.  I do not care HOW SECURE you feel in your marriage, you need your own bank account for emergencies. Emergencies like midlife crises that come up out of nowhere, or perhaps because you need about 10,000 new pairs of shoes! For one reason or another, you need your own special fund.  It feels to me like that means you have to start not trusting and I HATE that, but I sure wish I had not been so trusting.  I don't like that I'm now feeling that is a lesson I needed to learn...to stop trusting! It doesn't seem right.

What's going on with me?  Well, I've lost about 25 pounds that I didn't really need to lose. My hair is getting longer and now when I lean back in a chair, I can feel it back there give a little pull.  My hair hasn't ever been this long and I'm sure my mother hates it but I don't care, I like having long hair.  I have toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo.  Am I a tattoo person now? I'm not sure.  I keep thinking about going on a vacation somewhere warm.  But then I don't want to go anywhere at all.  But I don't want to turn into a recluse and I am kind of doing that. 

You know I have talked about this being The Year of the Ox and that the prediction for my sign, The Tiger, was that it would be a year of nine bad months, three neutral months and no good months.  Well, the NEXT Chinese Year will be MY YEAR...the Year of the Tiger.  It doesn't start until Valentine's Day though.  Maybe I need to book myself a flight to Vegas for Valentine's Day and ring in The Year of the Tiger! Woo hoo. Shrug.  We'll see.

And now, I need to get back to my work.  I should be going to bed....or maybe watching something I felt I needed to record on the DVR.  Treat myself to a Twizzler and some Chelsea Lately!  I PROMISE I'll try to find something more interesting to write about and I'll try to not neglect my blog.  Maybe the next time I write, I'll be saying "I'm free again...whether I like it or not!"

Something in the Water

You know how they always say "there's something in the water" when a bunch of women end up pregnant at the same time?  Well, I think there's something in the water that middle-aged husbands are drinking.  I just found out tonight that a girl I went to school with is going through something very similar to me!  Her husband after 20+ years of marriage has turned in his notice.  Another one of those situations where she didn't have any say in the matter.  He made the decision and now her life is required to change because of whatever mid-life crisis drug he's been taking.  Do they pass out this magical pill at some secret location when a guy hits his mid-40s?  She was informed, by him, that she wasn't happy.  News to her!  I was informed by The Farmer, the other day, that "I never liked him anyway." Hmmm....I guess these guys know better than we do what we're thinking or feeling!

But not only that, I have a couple guy friends who are in it for the long haul.  They've probably been offered that magical pill but they were strong enough to say "no thanks".  They're married and plan on staying married for the rest of their lives.  Sad thing is they aren't happy!  They feel trapped and I would suppose their spouses aren't particularly happy either.  What really gets me though is that NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING TO MAKE IT BETTER!  This boggles my mind.  It makes me so curious about human nature.  Why on earth wouldn't you talk to each other and say "Hey, I'm not so happy and you're not so happy....let's make a plan to fix that without splitting up and without living separate lives!"  It just leaves me shaking my head.

As most of you know, my father has dementia.  It appears to be getting worse.  My mom read a book recently, about Alzheimer's Disease, so she is prepared for some of the weird stuff that goes on.  Lately, he is confused about where he's supposed to be living.  He doesn't think that their house is actually their house.  Many evenings he starts saying "Well, I guess I'd better head home."  She asks him where he's planning to go and he says he doesn't know but he can't stay here!  Now we've decided to tell him that his mind is playing tricks on him.  That seems to help him understand and settle down a bit.  They've been married for 50 years and when he feels anxious to go somewhere she will say "Don't you want to be here with ME?"  He says "YES!"  But he still feels this need to go to a home that only exists in his mind.  In all that confusion and frustration, he does know he has a wife and he is very thankful about that.  Sometimes he doesn't recognize her but he still seems to come back to reality to look her in the eyes, as she's helping him to bed, and say "I don't know what I'd do without you."

It's that trust and that vulnerability that is missing in some of these other relationships.  My parents are basically transparent to each other and they're each other's best friend.  I wish The Farmer had trusted himself enough to know that he could have been transparent to me and I wish he would have let me be his best friend.  But maybe I could say the same about myself.  I know I didn't feel enough trust that he could see me at my most vulnerable and wouldn't damage me at that point.  I feel like he would have taken those things we protect so dearly and used them against me somehow.  As painful as it is, I'm better off as things are now and hopefully it will all continue to get better.

I didn't mean to be a downer.  So I'll try to end on a higher note.  My venture as Quirky Twerp at The DigiChick is going quite well.  I am really enjoying it and wish I had more time to play and create my own products! Please check in there and also check my Quirky Twerp blog for updates and info.

And as far as my father and his dementia go, he has also been quite entertaining.  Sometimes he thinks I'm a guy which is so funny to me.  I really think it's just a confusion of words.  One day I was sitting beside him on their bed waiting for my mom to come help him.  I was just engaging him in a little silly banter to keep him occupied.  When my mom got there to help him get dressed and such, I left the room and heard him say "I don't know who he is, but he's crazy!"  Then he laughed.

He also gets confused about my pets.  He thinks the dogs are boys instead of girls.  He'll say "Hey big fella."  The other day he gave Pepper a pat on the head and said "You're a nice kitty."

One night he wasn't recognizing my mother and was sure that whoever was standing in front of him was not Betsy, his wife.  Finally, since she was having no luck convincing him that she was his wife, she faked like she made a phone call to "Betsy" and was talking and asking if Betsy would be coming home soon.  Then she hung up the phone, told my dad that Betsy would be here shortly.  She then went out the back door and walked around to the front of the house.  In the meantime, I said "Maybe I'd better turn on the front porch light because Mom will be home soon."  My dad thought that was a great idea.  A few seconds later, the door started to open and I said "Mom's home!!!"  She came in the door (still wearing the same clothes she had on just seconds before when she wasn't Betsy) and my dad's face lit up and he said he was glad she finally made it home!

The cutest one though was when my mom was going to go to WalMart.  She wasn't going to take my dad because he drives around in one of those little motorized things and you never know if he's going to disappear.  Well, she was trying to say she'd be right back and he looked sad so she said "Do you want to go with me?"  He looked up at her, from his recliner, and said in the most pitiful tone, "I really, really do."  So she agreed.  He was wearing his slippers so she took those off his feet and worked and worked to get his tennis shoes on him.  If I hadn't been absorbed in my graphic design stuff I'd have jumped in to help but I was kind of tuning them out.  When she got done, huffing and puffing it dawned on me what a struggle it was for her. (She's still learning to ask me for help with things.)  So, then my dad stands up out of his recliner, which is no small feat since he can barely walk, and he looks down at his tennis shoes and says "Are those.....on my feet?"  We just can't help but giggle to ourselves.  It's so cute!  My mom just kindly said "Yes." pointed at his shoes and said "Those are on your feet and those" pointing at his slippers "are NOT on your feet."  He said "Okay." and he was ready to go to WalMart!

There are a lot of very dedicated women who are there for their husbands through thick and thin.  I'm glad my father, even in his dementia, realizes how important my mother is to him.  I wish some of those husbands who accepted the mid-life crisis magical pill would take a lesson or two from an 83 year old man with dementia.  I think they'd be a lot happier!

A Little of This and a Little of That

I have GOT to get a more exciting life!  Are there any trips to Vegas in my near future?  Don't answer that....unless you're going to give me a resounding YES! Unfortunately, my excitement is walking my dogs and being glad that they've both pooped.  It doesn't get any better than that.  At least this year. I'm aiming for 2010 to be MY YEAR.  It'll be the Year of the Tiger, after all, and you know I was born in the Year of the Tiger, so look OUT.

Meanwhile, tomorrow is the debut of my first new line of products for digital scrapbooking since I moved to The DigiChick.  Take a gander and let me know what you think. I also, fool that I am, started a blog just for Quirky Twerp.  I am hoping to use that to post sneak peeks, previews and show-and-tell creations.  We'll see how that goes.  So if you want to see a sneak peek of one of tomorrow's products, click that QT link.

Other news...I have been looking and looking at houses, trying to find the exact right bungalow that says "I want you to live here."  So far, I hadn't gotten that vibe from any of the houses.  Today, I saw one that gave me that vibe.  It really needs to be given the once-over by someone who has more house knowledge than I, and I'd like to speak with a handyman about what the repairs and updates would cost, but for now I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  All I can say is that it's stinkin' cute.  Or, my vision of it is stinkin' cute.  If you walked through it you might say "You can't be serious."  Or you might have the vision that I have.  So, hopefully soon I'll be able to tell you that I'm a homeowner again. 

And then there's The Farmer.  What is up with that boy?  His mind must be whirling. I hear from him every week or so. He acts like the man I married.  He acts normal.  He acts fun and sane.  I have only actually seen him once since I was forced out, and that was when I had him look through a house for me.  The owner of the house was there so it was all nice and polite. I have told him repeatedly that he needs to apologize to me.  And you know, if not for me, he needs to do it to make himself a better person!

So, there you go.  I'm keeping my wits about me, I'm staying alert and protecting myself from evil forces.  I've put more poop in baggies than I care to document.  I've eaten more candy in the past three months than I should have.  I've been staying up later than is probably healthy.  I've been as creative as possible under my current circumstances.  I am looking toward the future and I'd better put my shades on because it looks pretty bright!  And as I type this I'm thinking, "I need to take this bra off because it's strangling me."

The Quirky Twerp Is At It Again

Hey there...I know, I know....I've been neglecting my blog. I'm sorry. 
But, there's just not a lot going on and not a lot to report.  Mundane.

BUT, I do have exciting news now. Finally!  Today is the day that my
Quirky Twerp boutique debuts at The DigiChick.  I'm very excited because,
along with my debut, there are a bunch of other designers AND The DigiChick just revamped their entire website.  It looks very state-of-the-art.  If you're a digital scrapbooker, this is the place to be....seriously.  It's very cool.  They went live around 1:00 CST and about 55 minutes later, I got my first order. Awwww...that was nice!  I should send that girl some of my famous cookies! Hee hee

So, now I need to get to work and start designing more products to put up for sale.  Currently, I'm working on a birthday line. It's cool, if I do say so myself. No sneak peeks yet.  For now, I'll post an image of my latest paper and elements lines that are now up at The DigiChick.

Here is the Fabrications Paper line:

And here are the Fabrications Elements :

And here is a layout I did of Candice and Debbie using these products. Awwww! Aren't they cute?

Update on What's Going On

I have to apologize for abandoning my blog.  Things have just been so dull that I don't have much of anything to report on here.  I think I've got enough now. It may not be interesting, but it's SOMETHING anyway!
My sweet friend Lisa sent these flowers when my dad was in the hospital with his bleeding ulcer.  What a beautiful bouquet.  The prettiest I've seen in a really long time.  Thank you Lisa, it brightened our lives.
Winky took a liking to the flowers and kept trying to sleep on the table next to the bouquet.  What a goober she is!

And speaking of being a goober....this is how Winky likes to be held.  Recently, I've been trying to train her to be held like a baby because it's easier on my back.  If I try to just hold her normal-like, she claws her way up and over my back until she's hanging like this!

And then there's THIS goober. When the camera comes out, she sneaks away.  I don't know why she hates the camera so much.  I found her hiding in a bedroom.  "If I cover my eyes, no one can see me!"

And the other canine gooberhead....Frances....she doesn't like to share and is sure that someone is going to take her treats.  If she doesn't feel like eating them, she just keeps them in her mouth like a cigar or a pacifier.  She does this with MilkBones, as well.

As for me, the Queen Goober, I've been working and running errands, helping my parents and trying to get things back on track.  I have my eyes on a house in Neosho, Missouri and I have my fingers crossed that it's mine and was meant to be. My car should be parked in that garage!!!

I also have some exciting news.  Exciting to me anyway!  I was sad that {We Are} Storytellers was closing and my digital scrapbook business was just a little blip in history, but I recently exchanged some emails with the owner of another digital store and they've invited me to join their ranks. I'll just leave that little tease here and when the debut is upon us, I'll unveil my new location!  I'm excited.  I have more ideas for products brewing in my head so I'm glad I have the chance to continue being creative!

Last of all, The Farmer.  I don't know what's going on in that man's head but I have a feeling it's a lot, a lot of regret.  He has been acting fairly human the past couple of days which is very hard for me.  I need to keep my perspective and remember the reality of the situation.  But, I also don't want to live my life being bitter and unable to forgive.  I'm not a vengeful person so I waver on this subject and do a lot of thinking.  That's all I can do right now anyway.  I'm a Libra, after all, I have to weigh everything!

I'm Bummed

So much for my career in digital scrapbook design!  I was having a fun time creating my own products for my Quirky Twerp Boutique at {We Are} Storytellers but because of the economy, they're shutting down the site. 
I suppose I could try to find another place to market my wares...who knows...maybe I will.  But, for now I'm going to concentrate on designs for my clients.  All the products at {We Are} Storytellers are 50% off.

I want to thank the owners of the site, Deann and Patrick.  They were both so kind and helpful as I navigated my way through territory that was new to me. 
I hope they find that the transition is not too painful.  I know they feel like they are letting people down, but they shouldn't. They've been beyond awesome.

So, who knows...in the future I may be presenting something new from my Quirky Twerp brain!  Stay tuned.

I Always Knew...but I Didn't Know When!

It's interesting how things unfold in life.  If I didn't have a bunny, which I got from my not-so-thoughtful husband, I wouldn't have had to go to WalMart today to get some lettuce.  And I wouldn't have even been in my parents hometown, if it weren't for my not-so-thoughtful husband, to go to that particular WalMart to GET the lettuce.  And if I had had some Diet Coke at home, I wouldn't have gotten "extra cash back" at the checkout at WalMart, with the intention of stopping at the convenience store for a fountain drink.  And I wouldn't have purchased a lottery ticket today if I hadn't been at the convenience store to get the Diet Coke fountain drink.  I wouldn't have driven out of that side of the parking lot, if I hadn't stopped at THAT convenience store and I wouldn't have seen CROW YARRINGTON!!!!!!!!!

As I pulled up to the stop sign, I saw a man with a sign "Disabled Vet" and some more info that I didn't read.  I immediately reached for my wallet and pulled out a $10 bill.  And now, once again I am ticked off at myself because I had six more dollars that I did NOT pull out.  But enough of that for now.  At that point I didn't realize who it was but as I got closer I was thinking "Is that who I think it is?"  I rolled down the window and handed him the $10.  He thanked me and I said "Wait I know you." and then of course I drew a complete blank and was thinking "Dang it! What is his NAME!?"  It would have been nice if I could have said "Hi Crow." but I didn't. 

So then I asked "What's your name?"  He said "Crow Yarrington."  I said "YES...I know you!  Wait, I'm coming around again." (There was a car behind me so I had to go.)

I pulled back around and he came walking toward my car.  I parked my car, jumped out, ran up to him and gave him a big hug.  He said he remembered me and said "Joplin right?"  Well, close...it was Neosho but they're only 17 miles apart and it's been over two years.  We talked a bit.  He told me he'd been helping some friends who had an 80-acre farm and was also caring for their grandmother until she passed away.  He told me he was headed to Texas. (I doubt that he really is but it's possible.  I think he just feels obligated to express that he has some sort of goal and I can admire that.)

I told him that I think about him quite often and have wondered if he's okay.  He looks good.  Dirty but good.  He asked me to keep him in my prayers.  I need to pray more for Crow!  I haven't done that lately.  I am amazed at how friendly and outgoing he is.  I wished him well and got back in my car and just as I was doing that, someone else had stopped and their little girl, about nine years old, had gotten out and walked up to him to hand him some money.  That warms my heart.

If Jeff hadn't flipped out and had his mid-life crisis, I wouldn't have run into Crow today!

I went home and scratched my lottery ticket and every single game was a winner!  Ten games...each one for $2.00.  I think I'll go back, redeem my ticket and if Crow is still there, I'll give him the winnings!

Love and kindness are never wasted.
They always make a difference.
They bless the one who receives them,
and they bless you, the giver.
–Barbara De Angelis

I Had NO Idea!

I knew I was famous but I didn't know just HOW famous until today!
Did you know I made it onto the cover of Glamour Magazine!?  It's one of my favorites and they really surprised me with this one.

This art exhibit runs through August....I'll have to get you the name of the museum. It's slipped my mind.

Working with Johnny Depp was fantastic.  He's so nice and very humble.  And he's even cuter in person!

When they asked permission to use my image for a Mini Cooper ad, I didn't know I'd be plastered all over one of their cars.

Of course, even kitties are crazy about me, but we all knew that.  One of my fans sent this photo of her kitties watching me on TV.  So cute!

I'm supposed to be earning royalties for these puzzles.  I hope they didn't lose my mailing address because I'm ready for my first payment!

But this is the one that REALLY blew me away.  I mean seriously...I know I'm an irresistible angel but David, you're married!!!!  How are you ever going to explain that tattoo to Victoria!?
Photofunia

More Deer

Tonight I was walking Frances and as we headed up a little hill there were two does grazing in a little vacant lot by their woods.  They were still there on our way back to the house so I took Frances home, got my camera and went back. The does hadn't moved and were just enjoying their evening.

I decided to round the corner and take photos of the road where I see the deer so often.  This is the place that I think looks so magical.  The canopy of trees makes it look like something out of a fairytale.  It's a tad bit scary, just me in these woods. I can hear sounds of animals all around me but I don't always see what's making the noises.

Look at this pretty little spot.  There's a bit of a trail through there.

Tonight, I walked down the road singing quietly a song I grew up listening to.  It's called "Man Walks Among Us" by Marty Robbins.  My father is a huge fan of Marty Robbins and his music is like a soundtrack for my childhood. Quite often, there was Marty Robbins' music playing on the record player at our house.

In this song Marty Robbins sings:
"Everything hides, but I see them
I've spotted an old mother quail
I look close and see, looking right back at me
The eyes of a young cottontail
I see a coyote sneaking
As he crawls through the brush on the hill
And the eagle screams down, "Stay close to the ground
Man walks among us, be still, be still
Man walks among us, be still."

I love that song, and I think about it every time I'm out in places where wild animals are and I try very hard to respect the fact that I'm in their home.

As I was coming back down the road, I spotted the two does again but this time they were in the woods.  I took two photos. Can you see one of them in there?

And this one is peeking at me.  They didn't want to take their eyes off of me.  When they were grazing in the little clearing one of them was a little more relaxed and put her head down to graze. The other was not so trusting.  So, I said "Okay girls, I won't take anymore pictures.  I'll leave now." 

I rounded the bend to the main road and there before me was a third doe! Surprise, surprise.  I turned my camera back on and shot this photo.

Then I crossed the road, as she just stood there watching me, and took another.

I walked a little farther and took another.
Then I got right up beside her...with the road between us...and took one more.
Look how nice her coat looks!  Right after this one she was done trusting me and jumped into the woods.

When I'm walking down that road, I also think about the book "The Yearling" by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings.  I can't read it all the way through.  It's too sad.  But, I love the illustrations by N.C. Wyeth.  They're so beautiful.

I would love to live in a little cottage in the woods and have those wild animals all around me. But in my version, everything has a happy ending!

And then, I think about the part in the book where Jody's friend, Fodder-Wing dies, and Penny gives the eulogy and I wonder if little Fodder-Wing's heaven is like this with the deer and other little animals all around.  I hope it is.

“Oh Lord. Almighty God. Hit ain’t for us ignorant mortals to say what’s right and what’s wrong. Was ary one of us to be a-doin’ of it, we’d not of brung this pore boy into the world a cripple, and his mind teched. We’d of brung him in straight and tall like his brothers, fitten to live and work and do. But in a way o’ speakin’, Lord, you done made it up to him. You give him a way with the wild creeturs. You give him a sort o’ wisdom, made him knowin’ and gentle. The birds come to him, and the varmints moved free about him, and like as not he could o’ takened a she wild-cat right in his pore twisted hands.

“Now you’ve done seed fit to take him where bein’ crookedy in mind or limb don’t matter. But Lord, hit pleasures us to think now you’ve done straightened out them legs and that pore bent back and them hands. Hit pleasures us to think on him, movin’ around as easy as ary one. And Lord, give him a few red-birds and mebbe a squirrel and a ‘coon and a ‘possum to keep him comp’ny, like he had here. All of us is somehow lonesome, and we know he’ll not be lonesome, do he have them leetle wild things around him, if it ain’t askin’ too much to put a few varmints in Heaven. Thy will be done. Amen.”

Fodder-Wing had a way with animals.  I hope these little deer, that I see almost every evening, can sense that I mean them no harm. That I just love to watch them and experience them.  I think they do.

Deer

I grew up in Montana so there were plenty of opportunities to watch the deer wandering around in the evening.  And living at the farm we would see deer out in the fields from time to time.  But, I haven't been real close to a deer in awhile.  Since I've been staying at my mom and dad's I've had the opportunity to see one little deer who lives in some storybook woods by their house. It's the perfect place for a deer home.  It's secluded and very brushy.  There are houses all around so no one would ever go hunting there. Deer heaven.  A number of times, when I've been out walking in the evening, I've spotted that little deer and two times I saw it bedded down for the night.  I've never seen a deer lying down and relaxed enough that it would continue to lie there knowing I could see it!

Tonight, though, my mom was closing the blinds and she said "Oh...there are a couple deer in the driveway."  Sure enough, they were just strolling through.  The deer here are tiny.  Their little necks are so skinny.  They're like walking sculpture.  So dainty.  There were two does.  I was wishing I had my camera.  Then my mom said "Oh...here comes one with antlers."  He was so cute!  New antlers, in velvet.

So, I went searching for my camera and dang it, I couldn't find it.  They were strolling away and I was missing them.  Mom opened the door and went out on the porch and they didn't run away.  I found my camera and came out on the porch and the buck stood there looking at us.  I said "Hi deer."  His ears moved ever so slightly but his eyes never left us.  The does were grazing and wandering around, not paying much attention.  I turned my flash off so as not to scare them and took a couple photos.  (They're terrible photos but I'd rather have that result than to scare them away.)

Then the buck stomped his tiny little hoof one time without moving any other part of his body.  Mom whispered "He's warning them."  It reminded me of Buster, my bunny.  He thumps his back feet to warn us of "something".  I'm not sure what he hears when he does his thumping but I'm glad he does those bunny things anyway.  So then, after the stomp, they waited. Like statues. And then suddenly the buck made one snort through his nostrils and that was signal number two and they all ran together, leaping over bushes.  But then they stopped only a few yards away and stayed for awhile farther out.

It's fun to watch nature.  When I'm out walking I often wonder to myself "What animals are looking at me and watching me and I am completely unaware of their presence."  It amazes me.  Animals amaze me.  It fills my heart with overwhelming feelings of love.  I'm glad I'm such an animal lover.  They really are the most wonderful creations.

This was the best I got!  I THINK this is the male but it's hard to tell.  I just held my camera up and shot without looking through the view finder thingy.  This could be one of the females.

Here are the others! Ha  I'm quite the wildlife photographer, aren't I?

Forgive Me

I know.....I went from unbelievably exciting to rather dull to dramatic to incredibly dull, all in a matter of six or eight months.  I'm hoping that in the next few months I'll rocket back to super exciting and you won't be able to tear yourself away from my blog.  I'll have photos to share and hilarious stories.  It'll be fantastic!  I can hardly wait.

In the meantime, I'm boring.  Just kind of in neutral.  Waiting for that still, small voice to speak to me.

And since I haven't posted photos in a really long time, here's one of my mom and me.  Aren't we cute!?

I'm glad I'm here to help her out a bit.  My father has dementia and can't be left alone so she hasn't had much of a life lately.  Since my arrival on their doorstep she was able to go to her little church ladies group meeting last week.  Then all the ladies gave me compliments for letting her out! Ha

I'll keep you posted on the progress of things here as soon as something begins to move in the right direction.

Eight Things Tag

Eight things I am looking forward to:
1.  A house of my very own.
2.  Watching TV in my own living room.
3.  Relaxing in a backyard of my very own.
4.  A neat and organized house of my very own.
5.  Decorating my house just for me.
6.  Planting flowers in the gardens in the front of my own house.
7.  A long soak in a jetted tub in the house I want.
8.  Walking my dogs in my own cute, quiet neighborhood.

Eight things I did yesterday:
1.  Ate way too many Jordan Almonds.
2.  Found a house that I want for my very own.
3.  Got some Arby’s sauce on my t-shirt.
4.  Took the dogs for a walk.
5.  Slept in too long.
6.  Worked.
7.  Surfed the internet.
8.  Watched 20/20 to see Adam Lambert.

Eight things I wish i could do:
1.  The jump splits.
2.  Sing lead in a rock band...or maybe with KISS.
3.  Stay focused on a project from beginning to end.
4.  Be financially liquid.
5.  Take interesting weekend trips to antique stores.
6.  Cross one eye and raise one eyebrow.
7.  Win the lottery.
8.  Get myself a new pink bicycle.

Eight magazines I like:
1.  Country Living (but I rarely buy it.)
2.  People (but I never buy it.)
3.  Glamour (but I never buy it.)
4.  Scrapbooks, Etc. (but I rarely buy it.)
5.  Somerset (but I never buy it.)
6.  Entertainment Weekly (but I never buy it.)
7.  In Style (but I never buy it, unless I’m flying somewhere.)
8.  Playgirl (I never buy it, but my sister got me a subscription when I was in college.  I was the most popular girl on the floor at the first of every month!)

Eight things on my wish list:
1.  Contentment.
2.  Success with my digital scrapbook venture.
3.  Health and to never have cancer again.
4.  Real true love in my future with a guy who won’t break my heart.
5.  A house of my very own.
6.  A Toyota RAV4.
7.  A savings account with 8 months emergency money in it.
8.  That my barn kitties are happy and healthy.

Eight bloggers I am tagging:
1.  I think I’ll leave this one blank.

I'm Safe and I'm Away from There

Thank heaven for friends with large gas guzzling SUVs!!! 

My friend Robin and her wonderful, patient and logical husband arrived Sunday afternoon with a trailer and we were able to get my large furniture stuff out on Sunday afternoon.  Then today, my friend Barb volunteered to come up with her Suburban along with her son, who drove her ex-husband's Tahoe, and I was able to take just about every single thing I paid for in that house.  I'll be having a moving sale some day!  I figured I'd be needing towels...lots of towels....every towel in the house to be exact. (Paid for by me and not appreciated by The Farmer, I mean Alien.)  I figured I would need batteries...even the ones in the remote controls.  And I figured I'd need lightbulbs and toilet paper.  Oh and of course a shower curtain and the hooks it hangs from. Sheets. Pillows. Bath mats. Silverware. Knives. Storage containers.  Dishes.  All purchased by me and minimized by You Know Who.  No reason why I should have to buy them all over again.  The Alien can just pick out all that stuff at The Dollar Store and I'm sure he'll be perfectly content.

A young woman at the vet's office, who lives at a dairy farm, volunteered to take my barn kitties.  I caught all but two of them today and released them at her farm.  The two who stayed behind will be fine...they've always been less social than the others.  Leaving them at the dairy farm was really traumatic for them AND for me.  They were scared and all ran off for hiding places.  I was able to hold a few of them before I left.  I know they'll probably be fine, but I'm NOT fine...I just left behind nine beloved cats that I wanted to have around me for a long time!  And I left Coco and Tylene, the outside girl dogs, and it tears my heart out.  I LOVE all of them...they were everything to me.  They were what kept me sane in the midst of madness.  I miss them all.

I am safely at my parents' house.  Pepper and Frances were here to greet me.  I met my parents halfway yesterday and they took the dogs back with them.  Winky and Buster came with me today and everyone is happy and content.

I'm sad.  I miss the cute husband that I was so happy with a year ago.  I miss my life on the farm.  I miss that I won't be married anymore.  I want to be married.  I liked it....before.....not now.

Update

I just sent an email out to a lot of you who check my blog and also posted on Facebook but I figured I'd post here too, to make sure I communicate to everyone.

My husband has informed me that he is having my internet access and the house phone shut down on Monday.  This will cripple my business since I work entirely over the internet with my clients.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do since I don't have the financial means to leave here yet.

I am just posting this so that if I'm not communicating to you for awhile, there's a reason.

Update

I just wanted to let you all know that I am married to a mean, cold-hearted, heartlessly cruel man who cares not one bit that he is devastating my life.  He cares only about himself.

He is demanding that I leave and says that he will help me move my things.  I've asked him repeatedly to please help me financially which is something he DID promise the night he told me he wanted a divorce but now he is retracting that promise and says that he never promised me anything.  He says he will only help me move my things out and that I need to pick a date now.

He is trying to bully me and intimidate me.  I don't know how anyone can be so awful and live with themselves.

Barbie has been looking at homes in Georgia for me and says she's found one.  I'm just trying to figure out how to get there when I don't have the financial means to get there.  Jeff says he wonders what I have done with all my money. I've told him that I have been doing things like buying groceries and things to make this house function (not to mention making my car payment and my health insurance payment which is really high) but he discounts every thing that I've ever done and acts as if HE is the one who has done all that.  I've never known anyone so mean in my entire life.

So, that's an update.  I am nervous, stressed, sad, scared.  He doesn't care one bit.  All he cares about is himself.

A Couple Whys and a Couple Observations

I figured I needed to update and retire the sadness so here are a couple tidbits.

I apply lotion after I shower and almost every time I get lotion on my legs, Winky comes and rubs up against me!  Why do cats have that kind of timing?

Why can't I shake my addiction to Diet Coke!?  It’s making me crazy and it’s getting worse.  As I’m thinking to myself that one more sip would taste really nasty, I’m reaching for the can and thinking how nice and cold it is.

The other day I was at WalMart and I bought five things:  A big bag of cat food, a cookie sheet (because mine are in storage and I don’t want to drive to my storage unit to retrieve two cookie sheets), a banana, a package of bagels and a birthday card.  At the check-out only three of these things will fit into a sack.  The cat food is an 18 pound bag and the cookie sheet is too big to be bagged.  The checker says to me “Would you like me to leave your banana out?”  (Note:  I do appreciate when they ask this about gum, mints or a drink so I completely understand where she’s coming from.)  The smart ass in me responds with a laugh and “I think I can find it in the sack.”  THERE WERE THREE THINGS IN THAT SACK!  Why would I want my banana left out? Eye roll.  I know I shouldn’t be rude and I don’t think I sounded THAT rude...I laughed when I said I could find it but PLEEZ!  She gave me a strange look as if she was not happy with my response to her question. Sometimes I wonder about people.

Today, I was in a store parking lot getting into my car when two young women were getting out of their car.  I heard one say to the other “This shirt’s almost too short.”  I sat down in the driver’s seat, shut my car door and looked at her to see what she was talking about.  Turns out she was pregnant and wasn’t wearing maternity clothes.  From my vantage point there was no “almost” about it.  I could see her belly about two inches below the bottom of the shirt!

That's all I've got.

My Newest Old Treasures

I was at a flea market the other day....wait, was it a flea market or a yard sale?  I think flea market.  I don't usually go to yard sales but there was a city-wide yard sale a couple weeks ago so I went with my sister-in-law. 

ANYWAYYYYYY, I couldn't pass up this little aqua suitcase for two reasons: 
1. It's a suitcase. 
2. It's aqua. 

Nuff said.

While at the yard sales, my sister-in-law bought a paint-by-number kit because it came with a wooden easel and she needed the easel.  I told her I'd pay half and take the kit.  I really doubt I'll ever start OR finish the painting but you never know...it could be fun. 

Well, that got me thinking about how much I love the quirkiness of paint-by-numbers and how happy my two little dog paintings make me every time I look at them.  So, I went perusing on eBay to see what was available in vintage paint-by-numbers.  There are quite a few choices but most are of landscapes or landscapes with deer.  I wanted pet portraits.  Lucky me I found one and it had the "Buy Now" option....so I "buyed now."  It was about $10.00. 

Look at my latest treasure.  I plan to build on this collection.  Not just ANY paint-by-number, it has to be the right kind.  But, I'm off to a good start!

So THEN I saw two portraits of collies with aqua backgrounds. A-Q-U-A!  I was liking them just a little bit and no one had bid on them.  I've never bid on eBay before but thought I'd go for it.  I bid the low bid of $9.99.  A couple days later I got an email saying I had been outbid and it was up to $10.49.  I figured I'd wait until the last minute and see if I could outbid.  I was sure I could do it.

That evening I was at my computer so I kept checking.  The time was ticking away so with about nine seconds to spare I clicked the "Bid" button and up came a notice that said "You have been outbid" and the winning bid was a little over $20.00.  I'm confused.  The records showed that there had been two other bids since I bid but I was unaware of those bids. All along I thought it was just me and the other person.  I guess they don't notify you if someone else bids....they just notify you if someone out bids YOU.  I was bummed, but I don't think I'd have gone up to $20.00.  What I think it weird is that the page on eBay never reflected anything but the person who outbid me at $10.49.

So, if any of you have some insight into what transpired, let me know because I was a little surprised.  I was SURE I would win.  Oh well....next time!

Announcing My New Venture

Now that I live in the Twilight Zone I have had a lot more free time on my hands and with that free time I have been creating my little heart out!  I wasn't sure what I was going to do with these things but I just needed to create. Well, in the midst of all my creating, I was presented with a wonderful opportunity to open a boutique at {We Are} Storytellers and I am now in the digital scrapbook product business!  How exciting is that?

Here is my logo:

I am starting out with two different collections and lots of products available in each one.  A brighter color scheme called "Clementina's Closet" and a more subtle scheme called "Sweetness".  I would love it if all of you would check out my boutique and report back your thoughts...good and bad.

Most importantly, I would like to extend warm thanks to the owners of {We Are} Storytellers, Deann and Patrick.  They have been so great to me!  They've been very excited about my products, very helpful with the learning curve of uploading products and such, and generally very kind in every possible way!

Go me!!!

Revised: Better Late Than Never

I decided that since my letters were falling off I'd get some new ones and revise my layout a bit so here it is.  Still not overly exciting...it needs to be junked up a bit...but I like it okay.

I am part of a group of chicks who do a scrapbooking challenge every few weeks.  They're all far more accomplished than I am.  This is officially my second contribution to these challenges.  My Twilight Zone life has kind of kept me from being able to participate.  This time, however, we were supposed to mail some products to another girl in the group and Debbie sent me a nice package of stuff to choose from so I felt obligated to create and post the outcome.

My instructions were to use whatever I wanted...she wasn't sure what I would have at my disposal here in the Twilight Zone...but I HAD to use the black velvet letters.

So, here's my situation regarding supplies.  I had some paper here and she sent me some paper.  I had some ribbon and some little double-sticky thingies.  I didn't really have any photos of my own...they're all in storage...but I came across this photo of my friend Lisa with her smokin' hot husband Marty and their adorable son, Luke, and the clothes they were wearing matched exactly with some of the products that Debbie sent me! Cool.

My only real problem was that the letters I was required to use were not very sticky on the back and kept falling off.  You can tell because the "f" is askew.  It fell off right before I took the photo.  I also used the green cardstock that Debbie sent and the two patterned papers I used to make the "3" were from Debbie.  The rest came from me.

It's not terribly exciting but when all your creative supplies are in storage, well, you get what you get!

Oh and I should add that in real life these papers actually look quite nice together but for some reason in this photograph they seem to clash a bit.

Update Time

Last week, my sister Barbie and her husband Tommy came from Georgia to visit our parents' (and me, of course.)  They were helping Mom and Dad purge the things our father has been hoarding for the past sixty years and get ready for a garage sale.  He saves everything!!!  Now I know you're all thinking "so THAT'S where she gets it...that need to save things" but let me tell you, I am waaaayyyy more selective.  My father saves things like cords from blow dryers that have burned out, sacks full of plastic tubing, multiple used toothbrushes...all those things that can be used for SOMETHING some day, right?  In the past he hasn't wanted to turn loose of those things but he finally agreed and let Barbie and Tommy clean and organize his shop to get it ready for the garage sale.

Barbie and I found a few things that we thought we couldn't part with or things we felt it was our duty to save.  I emptied the drawers of my father's antique treadle Singer sewing machine, that he used to sew cowboy boots, and saved the wooden spools of thread.  I remember looking at these quite a lot when I was a child.

I think I can display these in an interesting way. If you have ideas, let me know.

This one was always my favorite.

We had intended to sell the sewing machine...that's why I was cleaning out the drawers... but then a woman at the garage sale informed us that we would regret it if we sold it.  She didn't need to do much convincing...we both just looked at her and said "Okay."  So, I will be the keeper of the sewing machine.

I also had to save the canteen that I used on Girl Scout camping trips.  I wasn't a very good camper.  I tried, but in reality I think I was more of a whiner.  This will probably make my friend Jerry laugh.  We always relied on her to get the grasshoppers out of our sleeping bags or to reassure us that a mass murderer wasn't going to cut a hole in the tent and drag one of us away while we were sleeping!  I don't think I would have survived camping without Jerry.  In fact once in seventh grade, Jerry and I were on a ski lift when my ski came off and was dangling from my safety strap.  I was a beginner and she had been skiing for a few years.  She was able to get my ski back on my boot en route to the top of the mountain and I was able to disembark without incident.  My hero!

Another thing I saved was a Golden book called Little Black Puppy.  My mom had forgotten that it has DARLING illustrations by Lilian Obligado which surprised me because my mom really loves Lilian Obligado's art.  She also illustrated Little Cottontail, which you may be familiar with.  Good thing I was there to save this little treasure!  And then last was this little packaging card for snaps, which also has cute illustrations.

The sale was a success.  We were able to get rid of a lot of unnecessary things and so far my dad is okay with that.  Hopefully he won't change his mind!  He agreed to sell a lot of things that he might think define him as the wonderful man he is but what we can never get rid of are the memories of all the things he's made for us over the years.  Leather bags to hold marbles, little sterling silver rings and necklaces, a swing for a doll Santa gave me, a ramp for my little toy cars...I could go on and on.  And we'll never be able to toss or sell the memories of what a great dad he's been all these years.

Haircut Story

The other day, I was digging through old photos to put on my Facebook profile and I came across one of my school photos that always made me cringe. My freshman portrait. Back when I was a 'tween, the concept of maintaining a specific haircut was not something I completely understood, so I usually had a haircut that had grown out from something else.

In seventh and eighth grade my hair was cut in a shag...the less offensive precursor to the mullet.  When I was a freshman my hair was closer to that Toni Tennille page boy (that was popular back in the mid-70s) only because my shag had grown out and someone had chopped off the back.  The idea of actually curling my hair, well I didn't want too much curl, just a very slight touch at the bangs and the sides. Not...too...much.  For some reason I preferred straight and stringy!

One day, when I was a freshman, our family went to the local mall and I decided I wanted a haircut.  There was a barber styling shop near the entrance to the mall and back then it was more trendy to get your hair cut by a barber than a beautician.  Not so lucky me, I ended up in the chair of a man who was a little too tan, and who wore a little too much gold.  I told him what I wanted and now that I think about it, I'm not sure what that was or how I articulated it to him.  His response was "I'm going to make you look 20 years old!"  I laughed nervously, but I was thinking "Why in the world would I want to look 20?" That sounded so old to me.  Afterall, I was 14.  Being 20 sounded like a lifetime away.  So he cut my hair and when he was done, I didn't look 20 I looked like a boy with a really bad haircut.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do to style it!  Back then, I didn't understand the difference between hair that was layered and hair that was not layered.  Now I realize that my hair had looked much thicker and shinier, before Mr. Tan-and-Sparkly got a hold of me, because there were no layers prior to my encounter with him.  Unfortunately, it was also school portrait time.  So, voilá...below on the left is my eighth grade portait with my grown out shag and on the right...ME LOOKING 20! Nice.
 

A Little Smile

A couple weeks ago, Jeff's son Matt and his friend Grant came to live here.  I was, of course, not made privy to the changes in our living arrangements.  I just heard murmurings of it and then suddenly there was a truck and a trailer at the door and the boys were bringing all their belongings into the house.  Furniture, boxes, clothes...the usual.  They put Matt's bed in the "Man Room" which is a room behind my office. (Originally, that room was going to be a Game Room Hang Out Movie Watching Place but we never finished it.  There is a TV so the boys play video games in there and sometimes Charlie does his homework there.  Otherwise, it's not used for anything.)

Anyway, Matt could win an award for being a slob so I have just closed my eyes, shuddered and gone about my business.  After all, I have been told that this isn't my house.  I told my sister-in-law about the mess and how I just didn't understand why Jeff allows Matt to be that way.  She said "He'll put up with it for awhile but not forever." 

Well, forever came sooner than I expected!  A couple nights ago, Jeff got a real fill of what the room looked like.  (This photo was taken right after they moved in so imagine it three times as bad.)

I was sitting at my desk Sunday night and around 10:30 Jeff came downstairs speaking sharply to Matt to GET HIS DIRTY CLOTHES OFF THE RUG AND GET THEM UP TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM.  "I told you that you take your dirty clothes off in the laundry room and don't go through this doorway until you've done that!"  Matt, being the 20 year old going on 13 that he is, stomped upstairs with his dirty clothes and threw them on the floor.  Then stomped back downstairs, and slammed the door to the Man Room.  I could hear Jeff up there grumbling and fussing like the father from "A Christmas Story".

Next thing I know, here he comes down the stairs and toward the Man Room with the central vacuum unit.  I was thinking "Oh dear...I don't think he knows where to plug in the hose."  In our current state of ambivalence, and because of the way he's been treating me, I could have just let him make a fool of himself in front of Matt BUT it was more important to me that Matt get some long overdue discipline.  I went around the corner as Jeff was saying sarcastically "We've got this HANDY central vacuum cleaner...yada yada yada."  And I'm thinking "You've never used that thing in your life, what do YOU know?"  But I whispered to him that I THINK it plugs into the wall canister in this room. I could see by the look on his face that he was at a loss but he covered well and acted like he knew what he was doing. Luckily, it DID work from the canister (I usually use a different vacuum in that room so I wasn't sure) and maybe he realized that we're a good team whether he wants to admit it or not. I just left the room and went back to my office.

I could hear Matt saying "You aren't serious....you want me to vacuum at 10:30 at night?"  YEP!  I just sat there "hee heeing" to myself.  Jeff made him pick everything off the floor and vacuum and it looked so much better when he was done.

Now if he would just keep on top of Matt about the other areas in the house where he's slobby.  He has overflowed to the room that Grant is using, too! (This photo is also mild compared to what it looks like right now.)  I'm just learning to "LET IT GO......"

Vanity Plates

Do any of you have vanity license plates?  I wonder if it's just an American thing or if they have them in other countries.  Generally, vanity plates are disappointing to me because I feel that if you're going to go to the trouble, then the plate should say something witty. Typically that's not the case.  If it's just someone's initials, or worse the initials of a husband and a wife...yawn...I think "Why did they waste the money for THAT?"

The other day, I was driving down the highway and saw a license plate that said:
CADLAK
They were on, of course, a Cadillac. I thought, that was about the stupidest thing I'd ever seen on a license plate.

Then, since I had nothing better to do but stare at the highway and the cars I was passing, I thought that for fun I would look for other vanity plates.

I saw one that said:
SSM INC
That's okay...a plate advertising someone's business is understandable.  I'm just not sure what the SSM stands for!  I'll let them slide anyway.  I've considered having plates that said "PIRANHA"  or maybe I'd only have room for "PIRANA".  Not worth the worry, I'm not doing it anyway.

Next, I saw one that said:
6GRAND
I wonder what that meant.  It was on a BMW or Mercedes, I think.  Something worth more than six grand anyway!

THEN, I saw a pretty good one...a woman was driving a PT Cruiser with license plates that said:
IM PIKY
Might as well just be proud of it, right?  That's one you could do a lot with: 
IM CRZY, IM SEXY, IM A QT just to name a few options.

A teller at my former bank had a car with plates that said:
FRM KEN
First of all, I think that's pompous.  A man buys his wife a car, but he has to advertise to everyone that he did it.  Seems like he's doing it for himself and not for her! Years later, I found out he had an affair and they're divorced now.  I wonder what else she got FRM KEN!!!

One that I used to see when I was out walking my dogs was at a house where the people seemed to enjoy painting...as in with house paint.  The plate said:
N2P8NT
That one bothers me because I know what they're trying to say but, to me, it reads: Into Pait-ent.  Am I wrong?

Another one that I thought was a waste of money was a girl who'd gotten a car for her graduation.  Her older brother had vanity plates so she felt obligated to get some, too.  But I thought this was lame:
URCNME

And one that always ticked me off was this one:
BY LOCL
The guy was driving a BMW, which he obviously did NOT "buy local", because there wasn't a BMW dealership in our tiny town!

I think my favorite is the vanity plate on my sister's car.  Barbie is an RN and is certified to do sexual assault exams on victims of sexual crimes.  Her plates say:
4N6NRS
Now I think that one is pretty damn witty!

Saturday Update

I guess boring is better than dramatic.  Things are boring for me right now.  I'd like to know there are some changes in the works but for now, I'm being ignored.  I guess that's the "bury your head in the sand" method of dealing with the current issues. So, while I wait for someone to "pull his head out" here's what's been entertaining me today.

This little guy has discovered the dog food that I leave out for Tylene and Coco.  Both of the outside dogs were in my office being lazy so this squirrel felt very brave to sit right outside the window having a snack.  I love squirrel hands!

A Little of This and a Little of That

I'm sitting here on a Saturday afternoon watching it rain and rain and rain.  The "bottoms" are beginning to flood, as they do every spring.  I just watched a big tow-truck sort of thing drive very slowly through the water to rescue a car that was kind of stranded down at the corner on a little island.  I wonder if there was anyone in the car!  How scary.  They're fine now, I presume.  I saw him load the car up and bring it back through the water.

Things are still weird here and I'm in limbo so I have been working on my graphic design a lot and just waiting for what comes next.  So, I thought I'd share a couple stories with you.

First Story:  I have no recollection of this, it's something my mother tells me. When I was little, not in school yet, I was participating in the Christmas program with the other children my age.  Our age group was supposed to sing one verse of "Away In a Manger".  Well, we did that but then I was on a roll (apparently) because I just kept singing.  I got all the way through the second verse before I realized that I was the only one singing.  All the other kids were just standing there wondering what in the heck was going on.  When I got to the end where you sing "til morning is nigh", I suddenly realized I was performing an impromptu solo and I looked at the other children and demanded "You say nigh, too!"

Second Story:  It was Kindergarten Graduation.  All the kids were standing on the stage in the elementary school.  I wish I had that photo....it's somewhere at my parents' house.  I was wearing a sailor-style white dress with big navy polka dots and a red bow tie in the front.  For part of the program, we were supposed to say the Pledge of Allegiance for the audience.  There we all stood, with our hands on our hearts.  I looked down the row and realized that one little boy had his LEFT hand on his heart instead of his RIGHT hand, so I stepped out of the line, walked down where he was, switched his hands for him and got back in line!  Leave it to me to take control of the situation.

And since I don't have that graduation photo, here is my kindergarten portrait.

What's Going On...

Did any of you see the movie “The Body Snatchers”?  Well, I saw bits of the original and only previews of the remake (with Donald Sutherland) so, I don’t really know what it’s about. What I THINK it’s about is some aliens snatch a few people and leave big pods behind. The pods hatch and out come physically identical equivalents of the people who were stolen.  The new alien people are bad and I’m going to decide here that they don’t have souls or consciences.  Well, about six months ago I think an alien ship landed on our farm.  They stole my cute Farmer and left behind someone who looks like my Farmer but who doesn’t act like him.  The new Pod Husband is cold and distant.  He rarely speaks to me or spends time with me.  I’ve tried to draw him out and I’ve asked him “When is the Mother Ship coming to get you and bring my cute farmer back?” 

Well, I guess that’s not going to happen.  Last Tuesday was our second year anniversary and the new Pod Husband told me that he doesn’t want to be married anymore.  He says I’m a nice person and he doesn’t really have a reason, but that’s what he wants.  I’m at a loss.  I can’t believe this is happening to me AGAIN!  I can’t believe he is willing to throw away something wonderful for no real reason.  I can’t believe he isn’t willing to work at it and fix what’s wrong...whatever that is.  It’s hard for me to believe that he can just turn his back and close a door so easily.

One thing that has contributed to this is the excessive consumption of alcohol and the constant presence of a drunk friend who is avoiding his wife by hanging out at The Apartment Lounge (that new room in the barn that I detest so.)  This friend, who I will refer to as Influence D, is extremely possessive of The Farmer and doesn’t like to share him with me!  He is also a pusher when it comes to alcohol...a big time pusher.  Back when the body snatching was about to occur, Influence D was complaining about his wife and I could understand why because if I were married to her I’d be complaining, too.  The Farmer and I felt bad for him. Then somewhere along the way, D and Pod Man transferred HER characteristics onto ME, although I was innocent of all charges, and they banded together to start the Wife Hater’s Club.  I guess when you’re sitting around listening to your drunk buddy complain about his wife, it helps if you can complain, too.  If you don’t have anything to complain about, then it’s time to invent something.  My Farmer wouldn’t have done this but the Pod Husband is more than willing, apparently.

I have spent many, many nights alone in this house while they’ve held their club meetings for hours on end.  In fact, I even spent Christmas Eve alone.  Why would someone do that?  It doesn’t really matter because all that matters is the beer.  I mentioned to the Pod Husband one night that I thought he and Influence D were alcoholics.  Note to readers: Never use the “A” word to someone in denial.  Rather, suggest that it's possible that they might have a "drinking problem."  Mentioning the “A” word will cause them to go even farther down that road and that’s exactly where the Pod Husband headed.

So, now I guess I’m the enemy!  I’m the one who cared enough to speak the truth but it’s a truth that The Farmer doesn’t want to face so I’m no longer someone he wants to be around.  He only wants others who are in denial to be in his life.  He wants to only be around people who are pretending that everything is fine.  There’s no talking about the elephant in the room.  The Pod Husband spends all his days and evenings away from the house.  If he’s not in The Apartment, I don’t know where he is.  He comes in after I’ve gone to bed and leaves before I get up in the morning.  He has spoken about five words to me in the past week.

Right now I don’t have much of a plan.  I am waiting for The Farmer to talk to me so we can figure out what comes next.  It seems a little inconvenient for him to live like this...never being in his own home!  Never eating meals here.  Never talking to me.  Strange.  It’s all very strange.  I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone.  I have to keep telling myself that his brain is toxic right now. He is not functioning as a normal person.  He’s a Pod Person.  I have to remember that I’m not the crazy one although it feels like that much of the time.  I miss my cute Farmer!  I miss the guy who used to call me two or three times a day to say hi.  I miss the guy who used to drive up to my office door with a handful of lilacs and a big smile on his face.  I miss the guy who used to say he wanted to snuggle me.  I miss my Farmer, dammit!  I wish that stupid Mother Ship would come get this guy and take him back to that horrible planet he came from.  I want my Farmer back.

Meanwhile, I will try to smile and so I’ll think about:
1.  When Frances makes little tiny barking noises in her sleep.  So cute!

2.  When I put a wheat snack cracker through the grid in Buster’s cage and he yanks it out of my fingers with his mouth and devours it.  He LOVES those crackers.

3.  When I go to the barn to feed the kitties and little Willie comes running to the bale of straw where I sit and waits for me to sit down so he can climb onto my lap.  When I try to stand up and set him down, he keeps his little feet curled up under him so that I can’t set him down.  Adorable.

CLARITY

Imagine me standing on top of the world and then there's a light behind
me that gets brighter and brighter as an angel choir holds that one long note....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  Yes, that's how I feel right now.  I have had some horrible things going on that I can't talk about right now and I have been rather distraught BUT my friend lisalisa sent a link for this article and I'm telling you, she has saved me from a lot of grief!  I found this so interesting that I wanted to share it with all of you.  I have diagnosed myself as having a faulty Trust-o-Meter!  I have also printed out the six questions below and put them in my purse for easy access.  I should probably laminate that piece of paper because I hope to use it for the rest of my life to keep my Trust-o-Meter in check!  Whew.

Enjoy.

Using your Trust-o-Meter for Finding Reliable People 
By Martha Beck for Oprah.com

 I’m writing this in the African bush, where I’ve just watched five lions dismantling a dead buffalo, a hungry leopard stalking impala, and several baboons snitching part of my own breakfast when my back was turned.

Out here, my safety depends on the knowledge, courage, and selflessness of just a few human beings. Some of these people I know well; others I’ve barely met.

We are of various colors and creeds, sharing only a conflict-riddled ancestral history. Yet I feel safer at this moment than I once felt in my suburban American bedroom.

It’s not that I’m blind to life’s fragility or the dangers around me. It’s just that I possess a gift offered by many mistake-filled years: At my age, I have a pretty good idea what and whom to trust.

It’s because I’ve learned to depend on a handy little inner mechanism -- you’ve got one too. Call it a “trust-o-meter,” a bit of hardware preinstalled on your hard drive the day you arrived, tiny and vulnerable, from the stork factory.

Ever since, your trust-o-meter has been programmed up the wazoo, first by caregivers, then by you yourself. If your inner software is working well, your trust-o-meter is guiding you safely through life’s many hazards. If it isn’t, you smash into one disappointment or betrayal after another.

The good news is that no matter how faulty your trust-o-meter, it’s never too late to debug the system. Trust me on that.

Or not.

Read this -- then you make that call.

Step 1: Testing the system
“As soon as you trust yourself,” wrote Goethe, “you will know how to live.”

To discern between people who might save your life and those who might ruin it, you must be reliable, honest -- in a word, trustworthy -- toward yourself. And we do this far less often than most people realize.

I’m about to reveal one of my favorite life coaching tricks, which I’ve used on literally thousands of people. In the middle of a speech or coaching session, I’ll suddenly say, “Are you comfortable?”

Most people look startled, squint at me as though I’m a few chocolates short of a full box, then assure me that yes, they’re comfortable.

“Really?” I’ll say, earnestly.
Yes, they insist, getting a bit annoyed, they’re totally comfortable.

Then I ask this: “So, if you were alone in your bedroom right now, would you be sitting in the position you’re in at this moment?”

It takes them all of 0.03 seconds to answer, “No.” But it takes them much longer to come up with the answer to my next question:

“Why not?”

Some people will just sit there blinking, as if I’ve asked them to explain why they didn’t invent spaghetti. It takes them much consternated thinking to come up with the answer -- which is, of course, that the positions in which people sit in public settings are generally much less loose than the positions they adopt when unobserved, in a room designed for rest and relaxation. In short, they’re a bit uncomfortable.

Now, the problem here isn’t the discomfort itself -- people can handle a world of hurt if necessary. The problem is that they aren’t conscious of their own discomfort, even though it’s obvious. They lie to my face in clear daylight, believing they’re telling the truth even though they know (and I know...and they know that I know) they’re lying.

Do you find that last sentence confusing? Welcome to denial, which, oh, honey, it’s true, ain’t just a river in Egypt.

The baffling thing about denial is this: You have no idea you’re in it. Rather than thinking, “I am now displaying unwarranted trust,” you just feel... off. Confused. Maybe a little crazy. Maybe a lot crazy. Something seems wrong, and over time, it feels wronger and wronger.

Those of us with badly calibrated trust-o-meters usually think the wrongness must be in us, that if we can somehow think or work or love better, our painful relationships with the alcoholic racist stalkers in our lives will somehow become perfect.

For those of us who want to know if we have defective trust-o-meters, the evidence is blessedly obvious: Our relationships and life situations don’t work.

We’re lying to ourselves, pretending we’re at ease when we know we aren’t, so, in the converse of Goethe’s dictum, we don’t have a clue how to live. We’re often rudely awakened, bitterly disappointed, shockingly betrayed.

If this happens to you once, perhaps it’s bad luck. If it happens repeatedly, there are bugs in your system. To check, take the Trust Test. If your score indicates that your trust-o-meter functions well, you can stop reading now. But if the quiz reveals a problem, it’s time to recalibrate.

Step 2: The scientific method
All child-rearers -- myself among them -- are confused, mistaken, or ignorant about some things, so don’t waste time insisting that your parents fix every glitch in your programming.

Just start using the scientific method to reboot your trust-o-meter. This involves three basic steps: making predictions about how the world works, looking for evidence to either support or disconfirm those predictions, and changing your hypotheses in light of what you see to be true.

Start by thinking of someone important to you, and rate your trust in that person on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 = lowest possible trust, 5 = highest). Then, evaluate the person by recalling your observations of his or her behavior.

Here are a few obvious questions I’ve found very helpful in quantifying the trustworthiness of people in my own life. The first three are the “yes” questions; if Person X is completely trustworthy, you’ll answer yes to all three. The second three are the “no” questions -- if Person X deserves your trust, the answer to all three will be negative.

The “yes” questions:
1. Does Person X usually show up on time?

2. When Person X says something is going to happen, does it usually happen?

3. When you hear Person X describing an event and then get more information about that event, does the new information usually match Person X’s description?

The “no” questions:
4. Have you ever witnessed Person X lying to someone or assuming you’ll help deceive a third person?

5. Does Person X sometimes withhold information in order to make things go more smoothly or to avoid conflict?

6. Have you ever witnessed Person X doing something (lying, cheating, being unkind) that he or she would condemn if another person did it?

These questions might seem trivial. They’re not. As the saying goes, “the way we do anything is the way we do everything.” I’m not saying we have the ultimate power or right to judge others. But if you trust someone whose behavior doesn’t pass the six screening questions above, your trust-o-meter may well be misaligned.

By the way, if you’re now rationalizing Person X’s behavior with arguments like “But he means well” or “It’s not her fault; she had a terrible childhood,” your trust-o-meter is definitely on the fritz.

These are the small lies we use to tell ourselves we’re comfortable when we aren’t. It’s not the end of the world if Person X lies to you. Lying to yourself, on the other hand, can make your life so miserable, the end of the world might be a relief.

Step 3: Learning to trust everyone and everything
So what does it mean to “trust people who aren’t trustworthy”? I pondered this earlier today, as I watched the lions devour the buffalo, the leopard attack the impala, the baboons stealing breakfast.

I am very wary of these beasts, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust them. I depend on them deeply -- to do what they usually do. Lions and leopards can be trusted to eat animals about my size. Baboons can be trusted to steal food whenever possible. Because I know this, I adapt my behavior to avoid getting eaten or pilfered.

By the same token, if someone in your life pulls in a dismal score on the Trust Test, perpetually failing to keep promises, tell the truth, quit drinking, or show compassion, this is exactly what you can depend on them to keep doing.

Addicts can be trusted to lie. Narcissists can be trusted to backstab. And people who reliably do their best, whose stories check out against your own observations, can be trusted to stay relatively honest and stable.

When you spot faulty programming in your trust-o-meter, you may experience some deep grief. You’ll have to acknowledge what you already know, deep down: that your alcoholic dad may never be reliable, that you may have picked an irresponsible partner, that the friend who never supports you probably never will.

You may face some tough choices as your debugged trust-o-meter directs you away from familiar negative patterns and into new behaviors. But as you more accurately predict what will happen, you’ll feel a new, growing confidence. Your life will begin to work.

This is why I feel so much safer today, in the bushveld, than I once did in my home. Yes, it’s a jungle out here, but it’s a jungle everywhere. Life, in fact, is just one big wilderness. But you were born for this wilderness, and you have the instruments to negotiate it safely.

Does that thought feel comfortable? Really, truly comfortable? As soon as it does, you’ve found your way to the first part of Goethe’s promise: You can trust yourself. And because Goethe was a trustworthy person, you can rely on the second part of his promise following automatically. You really will know how to live.

A Few Little Tidbits

Yesterday I went to a flea market and there was a man walking around in what I think were biking pants.  Let’s just say that they would have looked looser if they’d been painted on him!  Frightening.  My eyes, my eyes!!!  I wanted to go up to him and say “Are you KIDDING me???”  Seriously, who goes wandering around a flea market dressed like that but someone who wants to draw attention to himself.  Dork.

Once, I was leaving WalMart and as I was walking through the parking lot I overheard a conversation between a woman and her teenage son.  They were complaining about the fact that they had to walk so far to get to their car and the son said “WalMart should have TRAMS to take people to their cars.”  Both of them looked like they needed a bit of exercise.  Once again, “Are you KIDDING me???”

When I worked as a barber, a scroungy-looking man came in the shop to get a haircut and, lucky me, I was the only one open to do the cut.  As an accessory to his ensemble he was sporting some yellow Playtex rubber gloves.  Interesting touch! While he waited for his turn in the barber chair he said “I was going to take a bath in the Stillwater River, but it was too clean.”  Okie dokie.....I cut his hair with just my comb and clippers and did not touch his head. 

When I was in my early 20’s I lived in Phoenix, Arizona for three months.  (I followed a boyfriend down there.)  Anyway, I got a job at a Thrifty Drug Store and on my first day the assistant manager gave me a tour of the store.  He took me to a storage room, pinned me against a stack of boxes by putting his hands on the boxes on either side of my shoulders, put his face up close to mine and said “This is where I take all the new employees.”  I was so scared and didn’t know what to do so I just stood there. This was before anyone knew anything about sexual harassment.  And, this is only one of MANY stories I could tell about him AND the manager!  I can’t remember the manager’s name but this guy’s name was Lee Andresen.  (I think that’s how it’s spelled.)  It was pronounced An-DREE-sen.  So, if anyone knows Lee Andresen, would you kick him in the groin for me!?

That's all I've got today. Probably enough for now.

Genius!!!

I had to go to WalMart this afternoon, something I am conflicted about.  I'm a Target fan but, since I live in a small town, it's a 45 minute drive to the nearest Target. So most of the time I have to rely on that self-absorbed behemoth of a discount chain that tries to lead us to believe that they actually care about the world.

AAAAANNNNNYYYYYWAY...of COURSE I had to go to the Easter aisle, like a brainwashed cult member following it's leader, because I was on a search for...you guessed it...Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.  Does Reese's have a cult for lovers of holiday peanut butter goodness because I would like to drink their Kool-aid.

Well, imagine my delight when I discovered that the entire aisle is broken down into pastel color-coordinated HEAVEN!!!  I want to meet the genius who dreamed up this marketing concept and drop to my knees while chanting "I'm not worthy...I'm not worthy!"  I felt like I was in some sort of alternate universe. Last time I had this feeling I was watching "Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory" for the first time. That was 1971!  Today I was in nirvana, baby! (Not the main definition of nirvana but this one:  2. any place of complete bliss and delight and peace.)

I hope that my new muse received a giant bonus for their color-coordinated idea!  This aisle of heaven was broken down into a section of blue, a section of pink, of orange, of yellow, of green, of lavender. Sigh!  There were malted milk balls in coordinated packaging.  Bags of monochromatic jelly beans.  PEEPS in every color.  There were Russell Stover white chocolate (I'm assuming) bunnies in each color.  It was amazing.  How on earth did they convince all these companies to work together with them to achieve this masterpiece?  Oh right...WalMart is the self-centered behemoth that strong arms the little vendors into doing what they want!  Well, in this case I think all the companies involved will profit.  At least they will if I have anything to do with it!

My Lame Attempt at Scrapbooking

Candice extended a challenge to those of us who stalk each others' blogs...to create something using an animal print.  I'm not a scrapbooker.  I have limited scrapbook supplies and I don't own any scrapbook tools that create die-cuts or stickers.  So, I did the best I could with what I have, which is virtually nothing!  Oh, and one other thing...since I live in a tiny town without a scrapbook store I had to rely on our tiny WalMart for my title letters.  So, as you're looking at this and seeing that things don't really "go together" you might be thinking "I wonder if Donna is color-blind." Well, believe me, I'm seeing what you're seeing, but this is as good as it gets!

In case you can't read it, it says "Toothless Yet Trendy." Once again...limited supplies.

And here is a close-up of the photo.  I intended to use a larger copy of the photo for the challenge, but my printer is mad at my new computer and wanted to print it in purple!  So, tiny photo surrounded by lots of "scrapbook busyness."

My mom and I discussed this photo the other day and we were both surprised that I had leopard print pajamas because she isn't fond of animal print fabric. It seems odd that she would buy these for me but I look pretty happy about it!

Vintage Photos...I mean Retro Photos

I decided that I'm not quite old enough to be in a vintage photo so I'm in some retro photos instead.

I should be cleaning the kitchen.  I should be dusting.  I need to switch the laundry.  The bathrooms are overdue for some serious deep cleaning.  What else can I do to procrastinate?  I'm SOOOOO good at that.  We should all excel at something, right?  Today I'm trying my hardest to be the best procrastinator I can be!

In the meantime, since things are quiet around here, for your viewing pleasure...photos of my sister Barbie and me when we were kids.  I was at my parents house a few days ago and was digging through old photos again. There are so many cute ones!

Every once in awhile, you just have to wear a pillowcase on your head.

The incredible giant baby!  That's a doll carriage, just to clarify.  I'm surprised the bottom didn't rip out from the weight of me.

Barbie STILL gets that expression on her face now!  How cute is she?  Those are our dad's size 13 cowboy boots, that he made by hand.  Some of you may remember the photo of the red boots he made for my mom.  He made himself about a dozen different pairs. All works of art.  I wish we had them now but they're long gone.

Observations

I have had nothing to photograph lately.  And it's cold and gray out so I don't feel like getting out to explore for interesting subjects.  So, for your viewing pleasure...a photo of my two new purses.  I like them. They have little secret pockets and zippered compartments.  Good for an organizer like myself.

Now on to my latest observations:

I have never used the word “affable” in a sentence until now.  When I listen to people being interviewed, quite often I hear them use a particular word that I know the definition of but have never used in a sentence.  The same person I heard use “affable” during an interview that prompted this observation also said “a whole nother”. 

I dropped in on my oncologist’s office yesterday to get the results from a recent bone scan and the receptionist sent a nurse out to the waiting area to go over the information with me.  She had the strangest eyelashes.  She had deliberately clumped her eyelashes together so that she had about eight big eyelashes on the top and eight big ones on the bottom.  Haven’t we all been trying to avoid clumping!?  She had taken it to a new creative level. 

Men are inconsiderate....generally.  How often have you been weaving your way through a crowd of people when you come face-to-face with a man at a point where only one person at a time can pass through and you, a woman, have stepped to the side and let the man walk through first?  At that point, when the woman is doing what comes naturally, being considerate, how often does the man stop and gesture “No, please...you go first.”  NEVER....N-E-V-E-R!  And we wouldn’t dream of just plowing through aggressively.  So there we politely stand while they think only of themselves.

Today I was at the bank drive-thru and I was exiting at the same time as a man.  Guess who stopped and let the other one go first?  You guessed it.  Maybe I should have stepped on the gas and rammed the side of that beautiful white four-wheel-drive pickup!  Oooops, I’m so sorry...I was expecting you to be a GENTLEMAN.  My bad! (Do people still say that? I know it’s dated but in this instance, it seems apropos.)

Even though it’s sad, I like the song “Diary” by Bread.  I like how it unfolds.  And I really like David Gates’ voice.  It reminds me of high school.

I guess some actors in Hollywood think that all that plastic surgery is making them look younger but it’s just making them look freakier!!!  Case in point Goldie Hawn.  She used to be so cute.  Did anyone see her at the Oscars?  EEK!  Scary.  I wonder. If she had let herself age naturally would she look like the cute person we expect?  Meryl Streep looks like Meryl Streep.  She has aged, obviously, but in a normal way.  I see her and I know who she is and I’m not shocked that she’s older.  It’s a no-brainer.  If she has had any plastic surgery, it has been minimal.  She looks so much better than those plastic woman who are trying so hard.  But maybe if I were (not officially, rather living with) married to Kurt Russell, I’d be on the operating table, too.  He’s a hottie....but a hottie who has also had obvious plastic surgery.  Quit it, Kurt!  You’re cooler than that.  Let us see you age.  We’ll still think you’re as hot as ever, no matter how old you are!

I like the new, inventive packaging for Oreos. Way to seal a package!  Go Nabisco! Woo woo woo.  The only problem is, how to yank out the ones on the sides.  If you finish off the middle row first, it’s too obvious that you’ve gone overboard with the Oreos, so it’s important to take some from the sides BEFORE the middle row is complete annihilated.  Then it looks less shocking the next time you rip into the package.

My Latest "Why's"

Why is it that some people, when you’re telling them a story, try to guess what you’re about to say so they talk along with you but they don’t know what you’re going to say so they say the wrong thing?  THEN you have to correct them and continue telling your story and then they jump in and talk along with you AGAIN and once again are wrong so you have to stop them and steer your story back in the direction that you were headed.

Why don’t hot dog buns get moldy?

Why do the Cancer Treatment Centers of America TV ads have to be so freaking annoying?  What a bunch of whiners!

Why is “nother” (as in “that’s a whole nother story”) in the dictionary? (Well, I should specify the online dictionary, www.dictionary.com.)  I wouldn’t consider it a real word, but the dictionary does specify “informal.”  What’s weird to me is that people use “nother” a LOT and probably don’t even realize it.

Why are Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts, Eggs, Pumpkins and Trees tastier than a Reese’s Cup?  I never buy the regular Reese’s products but I am obsessed with the holiday ones!  I was at the grocery store a few days ago and all the Valentine candy was on sale.  There were some big Reese’s hearts and I really had to fight the urge to buy them.  I can’t stop thinking about them.  I may go back today and see if they’re still there.  If they are, I’m buying them...and then I’ll eat them and hide the evidence.

Why do dogs always bark at the mailman, the UPS man and the FedEx man?  Why don’t they get used to these guys?  Today the UPS man showed up, and of course he’s cute. The dogs kept barking and I had to yell at them and then I thought “That makes me look unflattering.”  I always want to look cute for the UPS man.

I'm sure there are more to come.  For now, I need to get back to work!

Something Cool I Found in Ladies Home Journal

I was at the chiropractor's office a few weeks ago and found this little story.  I asked the receptionist to make me a copy.

One evening a Cherokee elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside people's heads.  He said "My son, the battle is between the two 'wolves' that live inside us all.  One is Unhappiness.  It is fear, worry, anger, jealousy, sorrow, self-pity, resentment and inferiority.  The other is Happiness.  It is joy, love, hope, serenity, kindness, generosity, truth and compassion."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Then the person who wrote the article went on to add (and I am not sure about the reference to the Happy 100, but this is still interesting and meaningful):

Because of our negativity bias, we often feed the wrong wolf.  To be happier, you need to even up the score.  The Happy 100 make a point of noticing everything good that happens to them:  any positive thought they have, anything they see, feel, taste, hear or smell that brings them pleasure.  This intention activates the reticular activating system (RAS), a group of cells at the base of the brain stem that's responsible for turning on your memory system and allowing it to bring anything important to your attention.  Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly started noticing the same make of car everywhere?  It's the RAS at work.  Now you can purposefully use it to be happier.

When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS makes sure that's what you see.  One member of the Happy 100 told me she made this into a game, giving out "awards" in her mind for the good things she noticed throughout the day:  the best-behaved dog award; the most-courteous driver award; etc.

Once you notice something positive, take a few moments to savor it–making a habit of feeding Happiness, as the Cherokee grandfather might say.

Farmer Hands

I like these hands.  They work hard.  They tickle me a little more than I would choose.  They strum a guitar....every once in awhile.  That thumb taps to the music on the radio when The Farmer is driving. Those fingers have a nice touch.  These hands need some lotion and a nail trim.  That's my job and I'm past due on my task!  I'd better take care of that tonight.

The Bane of My Existence

I don't see The Farmer as much as I would like.  He's up early in the morning to go feed cattle. Then, he's out for the day working on a job site with his heavy equipment business. Or, if there isn't a construction job, he's fixing things around the farm. In the evening, it's time to feed cattle again.  We don't eat dinner until 8:30 or 9:00 and, by then, he's exhausted and ready for bed.

Last fall he started construction on a room in the barn.  He told me he needed a place to warm up when it's cold outside.  True.  He needed a place to bring newborn calves if necessary.  True.  He needed a place where he could cool off in the summer.  True.  He needed a place to hang out with friends whom he didn't really want inside the house. Interesting.  All I could think was "I never see The Farmer as it is...if he builds this room I will REALLY never see him."

So, construction began.  He installed an infrared heater and an air-conditioner. He built a work bench and put his barn refrigerator in there.  He found a table and some old folding chairs and was excited about how it was all coming together.  Well, I was right, at least at first.  I didn't see him for about a month.  Seriously!  It wasn't a good month for me.  I named this new room "The Apartment" and I told him that all he needed was a bed and a TV and he'd be set.  He could move in for good!

Here he is on a business call, standing in his "apartment."  Isn't it lovely?  Note the empty 18-pack boxes from Lite Beer.  Nice, huh?  And that white thing on the back wall above the white bag...an aluminum can crusher.  I'm a nice wife because as much as I don't like this room, I was thoughtful enough to give The Farmer a beer can crusher as a Christmas gift.  It was his favorite present!

And speaking of Christmas, I also bought him a Caterpillar wall calendar.  I thought that would be a nice addition.  (Look at what's next to my nice present. Grrrrrr!)

Well, about a week before Christmas, one of his friends showed up with a present of his own.  I was so annoyed because my CAT calendar wasn't quite as exciting compared to the friend's gift and I hadn't even given it to him yet!  Here's what his friend gave him.  Double grrrrrrr!  (Notice though the sign next to that creepy calendar.  It was a collaboration between Candice and me.  I drew the letters and she colored them.  That's what Candice, Debbie and I did while we were waiting to pick Lynette and Sherryn up at the airport last October.  We each held a sign but this one was given the honor of hanging in The Apartment!)

I have vowed to draw mustaches and armpit hair on the pages of this calendar.  Normally I don't think something like this would bother me, but The Farmer has never been one go out of his way to look at "girlie" stuff.  One year he was invited to go to a strip club for a bachelor party and he intentionally cut his hay field so that he would have to bale hay on the day of the party.  He didn't want to go and wanted a good excuse.  So, I think I was (and still am) shocked that this thing hangs in his new pad.  Plus, since I wasn't seeing him much anymore I felt like he was having an affair!!!

Soon enough, The Farmer altered the name I had dubbed his new place.  He started calling it "The Apartment Lounge."  Even more lovely!  The nightmares just never end, do they?  He can call it that...I'll keep the name I gave it.  Well, it seems that the newness is wearing off a bit because The Farmer has been around a bit more.  Maybe a metal folding chair isn't quite as comfortable as his big cushy recliner.  I'm sure he'll never admit to it!  There is a benefit to The Apartment.  The outside wall serves as a place to hang tools. (Just trying to see a bright side, you know.)

So, just when things were getting back to normal, Charlie's grandpa, who owns a sign company, sent a gift for The Farmer.  I figured I'd better document the official hanging of the sign.  Grandpa has a witty sense of humor!

It's times like this when I recite this quote to myself:  That which you resist, persists.

I'm trying to embrace The Apartment.....Lounge.  Ugh! Maybe I need to plan a girl party and just invade this space without prior notification.  Poker, wine and calendars of Hugh Jackman hanging around the room! Sounds good to me!

101 MORE Random Things About Me

I don't think I've duplicated anything from the first list but I didn't double check so it's a possibility.  So, here goes....another 101 Random Things. I guess this would be the 2009 Edition.

1.  I get choked up if I think too hard when I’m singing patriotic songs.  Sometimes in church, we sing “God Bless America” a capella.  I have to sing and not think.

2. I look good in lavender.  A pink lavender not a blue lavender.

3. I like to read TV Guide.  I don’t have a subscription but my sister-in-law’s mail is being delivered to our house and she lets me have her TV Guide issues.

4.  I like to watch “Inside the Actor’s Studio”.  I like learning things about people no matter who they are so it doesn’t have to be an actor.  It could be a scientist or a politician or just some random Joe.  I just like biography-type stuff.

5. Chunky necklaces don’t look good on me.  I must have a weird neck.

6.  When I lived in town, I walked my dogs almost every day.  That’s something I miss about living in town.  If I tried it here on our road I’d probably get run over! (Not really...it’s just not the best place to walk dogs.)

7.  I miss the sun! Sometimes I envision myself living in a tiny white house that is decorated with all kinds of shabby chic stuff and there’s lots of sun shining in all the windows and I have a tiny yard with a picket fence and there is wallpaper in the kitchen that has cherries on it. (My office, our bedroom and our living room are all on the north side of the house so no sun shining in here.  I wish I had thought of that and planned the house for sun rather than for the view. The view is good from all directions so it would have been fine if we had a different layout.)

8. I have trouble eating just one cookie.  Even if I’m getting a sugar headache, I have trouble stopping.

9.  I need to make another care package for the Biggs family.  They’re bigg cookie fans! :-)

10.  I would like to design a line of scrapbook paper and have it be wildly popular with the entire scrapbook community.

11.  I can’t get enough of my barn kitties. They are all so dang cute.  I would love to have them all lounging around here in my office while I’m working.

12.  I’m becoming a better cook than I was a few years ago.

13.  I have trouble letting go of some past regrets and I let them eat at me for years and years.

14.  I think most children are not respectful enough to adults.  It’s a little too casual for me.  I like when parents make their kids call me Miss Donna or Mrs. Wells.  I think those kids are going to turn out pretty good!  If I had been a parent I doubt I would have made my kids be that formal.

15.  I want to find a vintage aqua telephone so if you come across one, let me know.

16.  I have short nail beds and my fingernails are NOT pretty at all. 

17.  I like to play Trivial Pursuit.

18.  In the fourth grade I had a pen pal in Medford, Oregon named Marta Folden.  I wonder what ever happened to her. 

19.  The tone of my voice doesn’t always match the words I’m saying.  This is not a good thing.  My message is misinterpreted quite often.

20.  Sometimes when someone tells me something funny I respond with “Ha.” Then, they think I said “Huh?” so they repeat what they just said.  Then I have to laugh a little longer so they don’t think I’m saying “Huh?” again!

21.  I am a creature of habit.  I’ve been buying the same calendars every year for a really long time.  One Mary Engelbreit Wall Calendar, one Mary Engelbreit 365 Day Calendar, one Suellen Ross Love of Cats Calendar.  I’ve considered veering from this plan.  I can’t.  I would feel like I were having an affair.

22. I like to organize.  I also like to start a project without being totally prepared.  Kind of a paradox.

23.  I’m not good at telling jokes.

24.  My favorite books (besides children’s picture books) are self-help books.  I wish they were working!

25.  When I was young I was very bold and I was very shy.  Another paradox.  I’m still that way.

26.  Quite often I wonder if I’m ever going to get my proposal do-over.  I’m losing hope.

27.  I like how The Farmer looks when he’s sleeping. He looks like a boy.

28.  I really wish my birthday and National Boss’s Day were not the same day. It ticks me off every year.

29.  I make good pie crust.

30.  Large crowds make me nervous.  I have no desire to go to Mardi Gras. You couldn’t have paid me enough to go to the inauguration. I will probably never go to a pro sporting event.

31.  I really used to like rodeos. Then I went to one here and we sat near the corrals where they keep the rodeo stock.  It made me sad.  Now I have no desire to go to a rodeo ever again. That makes me feel like I’m abandoning part of my past.  I grew up in rodeo country.

32.  I like Doris Day.  I like her in movies with Cary Grant. With Rock Hudson.  With Brian Keith.  With Gordon MacRae.

33.  Men frustrate the crap out of me.

34.  I think John Stewart is one of the funniest guys ever!

35.  I like surfing music from the 60’s.

36.  Most food does not excite me.  I wish it did.  I still need to work on eating more healthy stuff.

37.  “Friends” is still one of my favorite shows.

38.  If I had a shopping obsession that I couldn’t control, my house would probably be filled with antique dressers and suitcases.

39.  I have allergy-related asthma.

40.  I wish the television censors would outlaw KY Yours and Mine and Erectile Dysfunction ads from TV.

41.  Someone told me today that I should read the book “The Shack”.  I saw it at WalMart but didn’t buy it.  I think I probably should.  I was just trying to be a frugal shopper and only get my oil changed while I was there.

42. My sister-in-law and I ate at a not-so-great Chinese restaurant the other night and my fortune said “Success will come to your plans.”  I hope my fortune comes true.  I need to figure out what my plans are though.

43.  If I tried to write a list of a hundred things I’d like to do in my lifetime, I don’t think I could even think beyond five things.  I wonder why that is?  It bothers me that I have no interest in most everything.

44.  George Clooney is attractive and funny.  Good combination.

45.  If I could eat fresh, slightly frozen blueberries every day, I would be very happy.  They’re like candy.

46.  I’ve lost five pounds in the past month or so.  Now none of my jeans fit.

47.  Riding in a motorboat is something I detest.  I did go sailing in a small sailboat once and it was wonderful.  It was quiet and peaceful.  Very nice.

48.  I need to get a new bicycle.  I used to ride my bike all the time, then I moved to a town that was full of hills and there was no way I could ride around there so my bike just got old and dusty.

49. It doesn’t make sense to me that there are so many purses on the market that are totally non-functional.  Who designs these wastes of money?  What’s so hard about creating a purse that actually meets a woman’s needs?

50.  I’d like someone to do wonderfully interesting things with my straight hair so that I could have a different look every day, instead of my two options:  Hanging straight or pulled back in a ponytail.

51.  Donald Trump has the most annoying voice on the planet.

52.  I keep thinking I need to read a book by Jane Austen but I never do.

53.  I never wear scarves.  Then I notice someone with a scarf and I think I should have one of my own.  But I still don’t have one.

54.  If I went skiing again, I wonder how well I would be able to ski.  It’s been about fifteen years, I think.

55.  I don’t consider myself to be an overly polite person but I am amazed at how many people I encounter who are incredibly rude.  Just common everyday manners can’t be that difficult.  Who raised these people?

56.  I’m usually cold when I go to bed at night and very hot when I wake up in the morning.

57.  I think caraway seeds are nasty.  When I order a Reuben sandwich, I get it on wheat bread because rye bread has those nasty caraway seeds in it.

58.  Some jobs I would hate to have are bartender, because I would probably get in altercations with belligerent people; day care worker, because that many children would make me crazy; Blue Man Group member, because I wouldn’t want to put that blue paint on my head all the time.  How do they keep from scratching that paint off?

59. I was a lifeguard in college but I really don’t enjoy swimming or being in water.  I like to take a shower in the morning but I do not like squirt guns or water balloons and I don’t even like it when cleaning requires water.  I would like to have a hot tub though.

60.  Procrastinating comes very easily to me.

61. Thank God I didn’t have terrible acne in high school.  I don’t think I could have survived that. My self-esteem was already bad enough without bad skin.

62.  I am not a racist.  I do, however, have an aversion to pompous native Texans!  (My apologies to any native Texans who are offended.  I’m sure YOU are not a member of the variety about which I write.) I feel like I have a right to feel prideful about being a native of Montana because it’s such a beautiful state, but Texas...I don’t get it.

63.  I had this tiny little spot on my right thigh that itched all the time.  I showed it to my dermatologist and he said it was a nerve thing and he could freeze it and fix the itching.  Now I have a 1/2 inch round scar that itches just as badly.

64.  My first car was a tiny yellow Honda Civic.  One time a friend and I took it on a road trip.  When I got up to 55 MPH the entire car rattled and my friend spent the entire trip kneeling in her seat reaching around and banging on the car.  It didn’t help.

65.  When I was little my strawberry blonde hair was more obvious.  It made me feel like an outcast.

66.  Once I took my dogs to PetSmart.  Frances pooped TWICE in the aisles and then we spent a lot of time at the rodent section.  It was like taking my children to the zoo. They were mesmerized and making little whimpering noises because they wanted to get to those hamsters and gerbils.

67.  I wonder why my hair can get tangled when I haven’t been doing anything or going anywhere.

68.  I’d like to know how someone like Kelly Osbourne, a known addict, can be given a radio talk show to host but there are talented, sober (not wealthy) people out in the creative world who struggle every day in honor of their chosen craft.

69.  Once I tried to learn how to ride a Harley.  I was in a vacant school parking lot.  I forgot there was a foot brake and needed to turn but was going too fast (probably 5 MPH) and I went straight for a curb, jumped the curb and drove into a field.  I didn’t wreck the bike though!  That was my first and last time driving a motorcycle.

70.  I love the smell of pine trees in the mountains.

71.  If I could find a big rusty, metal W (maybe from an old sign) I would hang it on our living room wall.

72.  I would never own a snake or a lizard for a pet.  My mom had a chameleon when we were kids.  I think it wasn’t really a true chameleon...she called it a Carolina Anole....but we called it a chameleon. He lived in a terrarium in our living room when he wasn’t in her second grade classroom.  He was cute but you can’t cuddle with a lizard.  Some friends of ours had a little girl who said “I like your ‘nake’, Betsy!”  She didn’t know it wasn’t a snake, I guess.  Now we always say “nake” instead of “snake”.

73.  I wish I had a movie buddy.  Someone who loves to go to the movie theatre as much as I do.

74.  I would consider having Botox injected between my eyebrows, where I have some scowly wrinkles, if it were more affordable.

75.  Today when I was passing someone on the highway I thought “It’s a good thing I don’t own a sports car or I would be in a lot of trouble.”

76.  I wish I could dye my hair hot pink without messing up how my hair is now.  I would only want it hot pink for about a week, then I’d go back to normal.

77.  Flipping a house sounds like a fun challenge to me but I would never do it because I’m terrible about starting but never finishing a project!

78.  I’d like to be a fabric/textile designer.  I love patterns and color.

79.  I doubt I will ever get a tattoo, but if I DID get one, I’d get a copy of a cupcake I drew once for some scrapbook paper.  I love that drawing.  It would make a cute tattoo.

80.  Going up in a tall building to look down over a city bores me.  Space Needle in Seattle, yawn.  Washington Monument, double yawn.  The Arch in St. Louis, are we through yet?  Fake Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas, Barbie is fun, view is boring.  Empire State Building, only got about halfway up so I was halfway bored.  Surely would have been completely  bored at the top.  Hancock Observatory in Chicago, skipped it because I knew I’d be bored.  I’d much rather stay on the ground and see the details up close.  And why do they have those binocular viewing things when you’re up there?  Ummmm....go back down!

81.  I think I should be involved in Habitat for Humanity.  I’ll look into that this year.

82.  Sometimes I think about changing careers but I never want to go back to school so I can’t see that happening.

83.  2009 is the Year of the Ox which really ticks me off because Oxen hate Tigers and I’m a Tiger.  My 2009 overview says that I will have three neutral and nine unfavorable months.  Not ONE good month this year!  That really irks me!

84.  It still surprises me that I am self-employed and have been for seven years! Weird.

85.  When I talk to my pets I talk in my own baby talk and don’t use the letter “L”.  So, I give Buster yettuce to eat and I ask Winky if she’d yike to sit on my yap and I ask Frances if her yittoo crooked yeg hurts.

86.  I enjoy my parents.

87.  The older I get the more I realize that there are a lot of screwed up families out there and I’ve got a pretty good deal.  My sister and I get along really well and we like our parents! 

88.  I wish I could stop picking at the skin around my fingers.  It’s always so dry and peely that I can’t help it.
It drives my sister crazy and she’s been telling me to stop for 20 years and I still do it.  I wish she’d just shut up about it.  I’ll stop when I’m damn good and ready!

89.  I love paint.  Not artist paint as much as house paint.  I love the creaminess of it.  I like the way it looks when I pour it out of the container.  I like to watch the sales person mixing it at the store.  I have about 20 quarts of Kilz paint and I would like to have about 20 or 30 more.

90.  I’m seriously considering succumbing to Facebook as my new way to hang out with friends!

91.  I need to travel more.  I don’t like long trips though.  I prefer about three nights away from home.  I think I’ve said this before.

92.  When I sleep, I’m usually lying on my back most of the night.

93.  A friend of mine and I have talked about doing a marathon this year.  Neither of us is trained now to run an entire marathon but we could walk/run and do just fine.

94.  I don’t know how to use all the features on my cell phone and that bothers me.  I just found out a few weeks ago that there’s a little yellow symbol that pops up if I have a voice mail.  I had no idea until The Farmer told me that!

95.  I get lost easily.  I need very explicite directions to my destination and then I need directions to come back.  I can’t just reverse them in my head.

96.  When my sister and I were little we shared a bedroom.  At night, after we’d put on our pajamas and brushed our teeth, we’d get into our beds and then Barbie would call out “We’re reaaaaaddddyyyyyyy!”  Then, our parents would come in our bedroom and kiss us good night.  I never got to call out to them.  She always did.  I don’t think I minded though.  I probably liked how she did it and thought she did it better than I could have anyway.

97.  I loved to roller skate when I was a kid. When I was in college I signed up for a skating class at the local roller rink.  I learned a few things but was never able to turn around while skating or skate backwards.  I wish I could have gotten really good.

98.  When I was in high school, I worked in the kitchen at an old folks home.  My sister got the job for me because she worked there, too.  I liked all the little old people.  They were very sweet.  I brought their plates of food to them for dinner and then would have to clean up the dining room afterwards.

99.  I like Nilla Wafers.

100.  Once I got a little squirt ring at the dime store.  I showed it to my dad and when he was looking at it I squirted him in the face.  He yelled at me and sent me to my room.  Then he came in later and apologized for yelling at me. I  think now how admirable that was.  I doubt many fathers take the time to apologize to their kids when they should.  And I really hate practical jokes so the squirt ring was really out of character for me.

101.  I used to have a book called “How to Succeed in Business Without a Penis.”  A co-worker borrowed it from me and she never returned it. 

Winky...Attack Cat

I decided to go visit my parents for a week since most of my clients are at CHA-W this week.  I thought I should take all the indoor pets and figured it was best to take them in two trips.  Winky and Buster went first.  Winky constantly whines when she's in her carrier so I let her out when I was about halfway there. She spent the remainder of the trip wrapped around my head.  It's not that easy (and I'm sure not that safe) to drive with a cat draped around your shoulders like a mink stole.

The next day, I was getting the dogs and myself ready to start our little vacation when my mom called to say she was going to get a TETANUS shot because Winky had BITTEN HER!!!  The thing is, Winky likes to be held in a very strange way.  She wants to hang over the shoulder of the "holder" and then wants that person to beat on her butt while she's hanging limp.  (Sherryn was a natural when she and Lynette came to visit in October.  I should have gotten a photo, dang it!)  Well, Winky wanted Grandma to hold her and after awhile, when my mom tried to get her to jump down, one of Winky's claws was caught in my mom's blouse.  It didn't dawn on her to take her blouse off.  She was trying to help Winky unhook her claw and Winky bit the crap out of my mom's hand!

Look at this.  My poor little mom is 75 years old and has arthritis that has really messed up her hands and NOW she has five cat bites, her arm hurts from the tetanus shot and she's taking antibiotics!!!  I feel awful but we both can't help laughing about it.
The thing we're laughing most about is that Winky seems to be completely smitten and infatuated with Grandma now, more than ever.  She follows her everywhere, she weaves around my mom's ankles and looks up at her as if to say "Please hold me, Grandma!"  And Grandma says, "Not on your life!"

This photo is blurry because Winky was busy trying to rub on Grandma's legs and I couldn't get her to just stand still and pose.  Her eyes are squinted up because she's in a love trance!

Photo Tag

Pam tagged Debbie and Debbie rebelled and didn't tag anyone, or I guess she tagged everyone, so I'm taking her up on the tag.

Here are the rules:
1. Go to your Picture Folder on your computer or wherever you store your pictures.

2. Go to the sixth folder, then pick the sixth picture in that folder.

3. Post that picture on your blog and the story that goes along with the picture.

4. Tag six other people that you know or don’t know to do the same thing and leave a comment on their blog or an e-mail letting them know you chose them.

I think I'll be a rebel, like Debbie, and not tag anyone in particular either, unless McCookie has a "special" folder that he'd like to share with the rest of us! (Scroll to the bottom of that post, and to paraphrase Kristi's famous words,
"and I DO mean bottom"!)  If McCookie has a nice sixth folder, I'd like to
tag him!

So here is my photo.  I've titled it Off to Chemo.

This was my first day of chemotherapy, early July, 2003.  I had a bag from Buckle in my hand with some books, snacks and I think Trivial Pursuit in it. 
I went to the receptionist, smiled and said "I'm ready for my first poisoning!" 
She laughed.

The nurses were all so nice.  All the nurses at my hospital were nice but the chemo nurses were extra super nice. My favorite was a little, bubbly, strawberry blonde named Molly.

That evening I started to get nauseous.  And then I got even more nauseous. 
I have never puked so much or so violently in my entire life.  The doctor had prescribed Compazine to counteract the nausea, but it wasn't working. 
He told me to just keep taking it.  It never did work.  The next day I was so unbelievably out of it, I could not function.  I thought to myself, "This chemo stuff SUCKS!"  I couldn't hold the phone and my clients, friends and family kept calling me.  I couldn't see straight.  I could barely walk.

The next chemo treatment they prescribed Kytril for nausea. This one worked like a dream.  No vomiting and the next day I was up and working at my computer like always.  It was then that I realized it wasn't the chemo that had me so messed up, it was that I was completely overdosed on Compazine!

Here is something I just read, on the internet, about Compazine:
Compazine may cause tardive dyskinesia--involuntary muscle spasms and twitches in the face and body. This condition may be permanent. It appears to be most common among the elderly, especially women. Ask your doctor for information about this possible risk.

I guess I'm lucky that I was only 40 when I OD'd on Compazine or I might be dealing with a facial tick right now!

Creating Keepsakes

Hey there!  I'm practically famous, but you knew that. Ha.  One of my clients, Teresa Collins, has products on the cover of the February issue of Creating Keepsakes magazine and yours truly is her graphic designer.  She tells me what she needs and I prepare the files.  I think this is my first time having something on the cover of Creating Keepsakes.  I wish it showed more product, but a little is better than nothing at all.

Also, on page 101 of the same magazine is an article about making your scrapbook pages sparkle and there are some texture rub-ons from 7Gypsies in the upper right corner. I worked as the graphic designer on that project, too. It's fun to have the magazine feature a product that I helped to create.

Recently, one of my non-scrapbook clients, because of the economy, had to close their doors. I'm sad for them because they were nearing retirement age. 
I wish they could have held on and turned things around.  They don't deserve what has happened to them because they are super nice, wonderful people AND they love my pets!

If anyone out there knows of someone who needs a graphic designer, I could use the work to fill the void left by that client.  Please send them my way!!! :-)

MEN! The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I don't want to focus on the bad and ugly so I'll tell you about the good. 

One of Jeff's friends gave me a cute compliment on Saturday night.  A little back story. This is Kevin and he and Jeff went to high school together.  Kevin is very outgoing, expressive and entertaining.  If you meet him in person, you won't soon forget him.  In fact, when I was in college (in the mid 80s) I met him SOMEWHERE....I can't remember where....at a party or a dance.  Then I remember running into him at a mall in Kansas City a few months later.  I didn't see him again until he showed up at Jeff's house when we were dating and I thought "HEY!  I know that guy!"

He was thinner and more fit back then.  In fact, he was so fit that he could hold onto a vertical pole, extend his legs out horizontally and hold himself in that position.  He's very strong and Jeff says he was a good guy to have on your side if things got ugly. (Hey, there's my ugly.)  Kevin is not tall but his personality is enormous.

On Saturday night we went out dancing at a local bar because one of our favorite bands was playing.  I met another of Jeff's friends, named Kent, for the first time on Saturday.  Kent and I were talking and Kevin, aka Mr. Enormous Personality, came up and got into the conversation.

He said to Kent:
Kevin:  Let me tell you something about Donna.
Kent:  Okay.
Kevin:  You know when you go fishing and you throw your line out hoping to catch a one pounder or a one and a half pounder?
Kent: Yep.
Kevin:  And then you reel in a FIVE POUNDER that's worthy of getting stuffed to hang on your wall in your living room?
Kent: Yep.
Kevin: That's Donna!  Donna is a FIVE POUNDER.  She's a good woman.
Donna:  You need to tell my husband that story.

I thought that was the cutest compliment.  It made me feel quite special.

I just want all of you to know that I think YOU are five pounders, too!

The Farmer Turns 46!

Today is his big day...The Farmer, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, has hit the 46 year mark.  He hasn't said much about it today.  I think it bothers him that he's getting older.  He often comments about the amount of work he used to be able to do without a problem and he can't understand why it's getting harder to do those same tasks now!

His parents are no longer here on earth so I can't ask them about his childhood and the photos aren't marked so I can only guess how old he is.  I wish I could talk to them because I look at these photos and I wonder why this little boy was so somber.  I wish I had known him when we were children...I would have tried to put a smile on that little face!




Here is Jeff in his football uniform, number 40.  Cute!  I like his stance.

And what's this?  A rare smile. (Second from the right on the back row.)  And the coach with the mustache...he came back this year to coach the high school football team.  He's in his 60's now and doesn't have that head of hair but has that same smile.

So here's that little boy today.  There's a smile under there somewhere. It does creep out...just not when there's a camera around!


Happy Birthday Farmer Boy!

My First Update of 2009

ONE: I have my new computer set up.  I have my fonts and software installed.  I'm learning what's new with all this stuff.  It's taxing my brain a little bit but I like the challenge because I don't want to be one of those people who gets stagnant and ends up left in the past as the world evolves.

I love my new keyboard.  It's flat as a piece of cardboard. The keys are also flat and it feels different than other keyboards when I type on it.  AND I think this design is good for keeping my cookie crumbs from falling down in the inside workings!

I'm having issues right now with my WACOM pen.  The company is sending me a replacement because I'm having what they call "intermittent tip signal".  The cursor freezes on the screen and I have to move my hand to the lower right corner to get the pen to be recognized again.  I have a terrible shoulder ache because of it!  I hope that new pen arrives soon.  It's making me crazy.

TWO: It's a bit chilly here again so I felt sorry for the outside girls, of course, and they're lounging in the office today.  They are just so dang cute!  And I'm not a dog person!  That little Coco is a heart-melter.  If I squat down to pet her, she tries to crawl up in my lap.  She's a bit big for a lap dog but also it's hard to hold a dog on my lap when I'm trying to squat and balance on my toes.

Look at that little face!  She looks sad but she had just been rolling all over that bed and just enjoying relaxing.

THREE: Rather than a New Year's Resolution, I am doing an experiment.  I'm so tired of wondering where all my money goes so this year I'm going to track every single solitary penny in an Excel spreadsheet and I'm going to question every purchase before I make it.  If we could all be like The Farmer, this world would be in a better place financially.  He does not want for anything.....well, except for beer and tobacco! (That's another post all together.)  He is content with the vehicles he drives, he is content with the clothes he wears.  He'd like a new cell phone but doesn't want to spend the money on a new one so he is grumblingly content with the one he has. If there ever IS something he wants it is something that will improve his ability to farm or work in dirt and it will be tax-deductible!

FOUR: Back in November, I discovered a cheap place to get music files.  While I was searching for that song "Lover's Live On", in mp3 format rather than m4p so that I could post it on my blog, I found mp3 Panda Music. THEN just a few days ago I was searching for a particular song...can't remember which one...and my search turned up the Billboard Top 100 for every year that I was interested in and all the ones I couldn't care less about.  Here's the great thing:  They only charge 20 cents per song!  That's way better than .98 cents through iTunes!  I downloaded a bunch of songs that I had forgotten all about and I've been enjoying my blast to the past.  You know me and nostalgia.

FIVE: The Farmer will be turning 46 in one week.  I've found a couple gifts for him that he will hopefully like.  What farmer wouldn't want some new thermal underwear and a set of steak knives!?

SIX:  I'm becoming a better cook.  If I'm at a doctor's office or somewhere where I can read magazines for free (I don't buy magazines) I look for interesting recipes that will please The Farmer and Charlie and are easy to fix.  And I check The Pioneer Woman's site from time to time for something interesting.  Well, Pioneer Woman has a recipe for Panko Chicken Legs and those suckers are yummy.  The guys love them.  I also made Panko Chicken Breasts for my parents when I was visiting recently and my mom was so excited at how yummy they were that she couldn't stop thinking about them.  It's easy:  Mix a cup of plain (not vanilla) yogurt with some lemon juice, a bit of garlic and parley flakes.  Then dip the chicken in the yogurt, roll in the panko bread crumbs and bake.  You'll have to check out the recipe on PW's site or email and ask me for better details but let me just tell you it's easy and it's tasty!

I also have a new appreciation for the things I own that are made by The Pampered Chef.  They really do have nice gadgets.  We have some leftover spiral cut ham so I used my PC food chopper thingy and chopped the heck out of some ham, mixed it with some hamburger, bread crumbs, onion (chopped by the PC thingy) egg, milk yada yada and made some meatballs from a recipe I got out of a magazine from the doctor's office.  I only ate one bite because I'm still doing the almost-vegetarian-thing but the guys said they were good and they looked good, too. 

AND recently I ordered the Pampered Chef apple peeler/corer/slicer and made my healthy muffins and that apple thingy worked so slick!  It makes me feel like a real chef.  I'll just pretend that I am.

Time to stop rambling and go check on my chickens.  They're water is probably frozen and they'll be needing a drink. Plus I have to get these lazy dogs out of here before they get too used to being indoor doggies!

The Best Day

This is the day I've been waiting for!  January 2nd.  It means that life can get back to normal and that's the way I like it.  We've already experienced the shortest day of the year, the day I don't like.  We're finally through all the holiday insanity. Each day will get longer and brighter as we head toward SPRING...my favorite season.  So today I am a happy, happy chick.

And to make things even more fabulous, the UPS man delivered a box to me today. I've been getting my new computer set up but this is what I was waiting for, my upgrade to Creative Suite 4 and my new WACOM tablet. Yee Haw!

Look at my beautiful new set-up. The Farmer really doesn't have a clue what he has given me but it's out of this world!

And while I'm here being all glowy and saying wonderful things, I want to give a special shout out to my client, Jenni Bowlin.  She is THEEEE BEST client a graphic designer could ask for.  She gives me fun projects to work on, she is pleased with the work I do for her and the way I can bring her vision to paper AND she's thoughtful enough to actually express her gratitude to me! That's not something that happens very often.  So if you are going to CHA-W, stop by Jenni's booth and say hi and if you feel like being creative, use some of her cute products!

Speaking of being creative, I don't do much in the way of creativity away from my computer these days so I don't claim to be anything more than a novice, but I do enjoy me some altered art.  The one in the middle is the one I'm currently working on.  It's my sister, Barbie and me when we were little.  Look at how pleased we are with each other.  You can still find us looking at each other and giggling now forty-some years later. It's nice to have a sister who's a best friend, too!

Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

The Farmer came through.  Now, to get this thing hooked up!  And to get my files transferred. And to get my software loaded. EEK!  I have things to do. I hope everyone had a nice Christmas.

A Small Update

It's Saturday night and the temperature is heading to somewhere below freezing.  I'm in my office surrounded by pets.  Pepper and Frances, the inside dogs.  Coco and Tylene, the outside dogs who need to be inside because it's so danged cold out.  Winky, the inside kitty who is now peering out the window into the darkness after having ventured outside for 7.4 seconds before looking frantically at me through the glass to come back inside.  Buster the bunny who is sleeping fat in his secure little condo. So here I am in a 16" x 20" room with SIX animals.  Jeff, braving the cold, was lured away tonight by the temptation of brisket and poker.  I don't blame him because the man who lured him away is quite accomplished when it comes to barbecue.  And the poker, well, The Farmer rarely turns down the chance to make a little bit of money.

I'm still wishing for that Mac Pro tower for Christmas.  A box arrived from FedEx the other day.  I purposely didn't peek at it except for about three inches of a corner and that peeking was because I was checking to see that the FedEx guy had actually left something at our door.  (I want to be surprised at Christmas with everyone else.)  I called The Farmer to tell him the box had arrived and I wanted him to retrieve it so that I could go outside to feed my kitties.  A few minutes later he called to give me the all clear. 

Later, The Farmer came to me with a request. "I need some wrapping paper and a LOT of tape but I don't need any ribbon."  I asked if he needed scissors. "Yes, I need scissors."  Then off he went to his new little hangout in the barn, that I have dubbed "The Apartment", and was gone for about an hour.  Next thing I knew he was lugging, into the living room, a giant package that dwarfed all the other gifts AND the tree!  It was then that he declared he needed some bows.  I presented him with a box of bows from which he chose two very small gold bows and he put them in alternate corners on top of the box.  He told me he didn't need a tag because he made his own.  Making his own tag means that using a thick point Sharpy he wrote in large letters "To My Donna From SD Me" and drew a big circle around the words.  The SD stands for Santa Dad which is what he wrote on his presents to the boys.

Then he immediately started asking me if I wanted to open my present now. He's quite pleased with himself.  He even begged a bit and insisted a bit. I resisted. I said I needed to wait so that I could open my presents with everyone else. 

The box is the right shape for a Mac Pro tower. Only a few more days.  Fingers crossed.  I hope I will have exciting news to report.

Now I think I'll try to get creative with some paint and paper and get away from this computer for a bit.

It's FIVE Degrees Here! We're aimin' for a high of TWELVE!

I grew up in Montana.  I lived mainly in two places. Dillon, in the southwestern corner of the state, on the eastern side of the Continental Divide which means it's sunny and dry, but it can get pretty cold. And in Bigfork, which is in the northwestern part of the state, way up by Canada.  Bigfork is on the western side of the Continental Divide, so it's a bit warmer, but it's snowier and cloudier.

When I lived in Montana and knew I was moving to Missouri I thought I was moving to the south.  It was south to ME!  Well, this is NOT the south.  We don't have mild winters and balmy temperatures.  It gets brutally cold here and to make it worse, it's far more humid here than it is in Montana so the cold feels much more unpleasant.  I liked the Montana cold.  I don't like the Missouri cold. 

Recently, I emailed a friend from college who now lives in Tujunga, California.  I'm pretty darned sure it's in the southern half of the United States and that the temperatures are quite lovely there this time of year. When he wrote back he asked "how are things down there in Missouri?"  Um...HELLOOOOO...someone needs to take a look at a map because I ain't" down there in Missouri. " You're down there in balmy Tujunga!

Well anyway, since it's been so cold here in the not-so-south lately, I've felt obligated to bring Coco and Tylene into my office to lie on a blanket.  They love it and once inside, and after a bit of frantic hand licking, they are sacked out like a couple of houn' dogs on Hee Haw.

So cute!

And then there's my feline alarm clock!  Jeff says "She's ate up."  I have no idea what that means but I'm assuming it means "she's not right in the head."  I've heard him use that phrase about one of our relatives, who shall remain nameless, and that particular relative isn't right in the head either!

Winky used to lie on the top of my monitor because, as you may already know, cats like to be in high places and cats like to be in warm places.  Well THEN I got myself a new monitor...a flat screen.  Flat screen means only about an inch and a half thick on top which is NOT thick enough for a kitty to jump up to and lie on. Especially when she's expecting the usual.

One day, before I realized what was happening, Winky had jumped from the floor, to my desk, to what she thought was a monitor she could lie on.  Poor thing did one of those painful-looking landings we see on America's Funniest Home Videos but which usually involves a skateboarder landing on a hand railing or some other thing just as painful.

It has taken her about three attempts, and me catching her in mid-jump and diverting her to the top of my computer, to realize that the top of the monitor is a perch of the past.  So now, from time to time, this is her new little hangout.

Look at how her little paws are stuck down behind the handle. CUTE! 
She's ate up!